Blog

How To Rebuild Intimacy After Infidelity

Should a couple who experienced infidelity give up on sex? Or is there a way to approach sex that feels safe and honest for both parties?

Why We Don’t Experience Victory

I recently spoke with a young woman who despises herself because of her continual struggle with lust and pornography. She’s tried to obey God and run away from sin only to find herself falling into it once again. I’ve met other people who feel similar discouragement...

How To Help Little Ones Celebrate How God Made Their Bodies

We're happy to welcome Francie Winslow back to the blog. You can learn more from Francie at her website. I was cuddled up with my youngest son on the couch when the well-known cartoon “Blues Clues” popped up on the screen. Along with flashy colors came a classic tune,...

How Do We Tell Good From Evil?

Is it wrong to live together before marriage? Does gender really matter? Is it wrong to support gay marriage? These are the types of questions that we often get asked at Authentic Intimacy. Perhaps more than ever, many Christians are confused about right and wrong....

The Five Key Bonding Forces in Healthy Relationships

“We have to be actively engaged in running the relationships that we have.” – John Van Epp

Struggling With Sexual Intimacy? You Might Need A “Sex Break”

Is it ever a good idea to take a break from having sex with your spouse? Juli explains why the answer might be yes.

What Do I Do With My Sexual Desires?

“What do I do with my sexual desire?” I’ve heard this question from men and women of every age, from those who have never married and from those who find themselves “single again.” I have also heard this question from married people who, for one reason or another, do...

Porn Affects You, Even if You Don’t Look At It

The sad truth is that the damage of porn goes far beyond the person consuming it and also affects their relationships, the people in their lives, and culture as a whole.

Breaking Free from Sexual Addiction

Sometimes I joke about things I am "addicted" to. Coffee and dark chocolate are definitely on the list. Honestly, we are all addicted to something—there are things in life we just can't seem to get by without. You may be addicted to your husband's affection, a daily...

Masturbation: Is It Wrong?

Because my job is to talk to women about sex, there are few questions I haven't heard and haven't answered. However, there is one common question that I don't like to answer. Is it ok to masturbate? (Presione aquí para leer en español.) This question is a bit...

How To Get Past Shame From Sexual Sins

Why do we experience shame? Are there ever times when it can be a helpful feeling? Juli shares what to do when we experience shame, and how God’s word brings us hope for the future.

How To Tell if Your Spouse Is Truly Repentant

After a betrayal, how can you know if your spouse is truly repentant? Juli unpacks a recent conversation with Jeremy Smith, LPC, as he shares what to look for.

How The American Church Reinforces Isolation and Why That Needs to Change

What if one of the most important things about church is not what happens at meetings but what happens between them?

How Do I Know He’s “The One”?

Q: Is there one person I'm meant to marry, or should I just choose a good man? A: This question isn't simply a contemplative exercise; it impacts how you approach dating and marriage. However, I think it is the wrong question to be asking. The question of "Is there...

Prioritize Sexual Intimacy by Getting Your Bedroom Ready, Part 3

One very practical and creative way to work on sexual intimacy in your marriage is to put thought and intention into the physical space of your bedroom. Whether or not you are aware of it, the environment of your bedroom impacts your sexual intimacy. Here is a quick...

Prioritize Sexual Intimacy by Getting Your Body Ready, Part 2

Much of my work in helping people navigate sexual issues revolves around how we think about sex. Your thought life, and your understanding of God and sex, are very important to your sex life. However, the basic truth is this: you can’t have sex without a body. Sex,...

Prioritize Sexual Intimacy by Getting Your Mind Ready, Part 1

“Your most important sex organ is your brain.” I remember when I first heard this statement as a young married woman. Enjoying sex is practically impossible without thinking about it. Both men and women can struggle to know how to think about sex in a way that is...

A Road Map to Sexual Integrity in the Midst of Sexual Brokenness

Do you want to know the question that keeps me up at night? It’s this: How can I honor God with my sexuality in the face of my sexual brokenness and unmet desires? At Authentic Intimacy, we often use words like sexual wholeness or sexual integrity instead of sexual...

How To Go From Demand and “Duty Sex” to True Sexual Intimacy

As Roy and Stacy listened to their pastor teach on I Corinthians 7, they began to shift uncomfortably in their seats. “Paul is saying here that a wife is to meet her husband’s sexual needs. If she doesn’t, he may be tempted to seek sex outside of their relationship.”...

What To Wear in the Bedroom?

Do you need to change what you wear in the bedroom? Like me, maybe you choose your sleepwear based on comfort and not to entice. I much prefer Life is Good to Victoria Secret in the bedroom, but we will save that conversation for another day. Even though I sometimes...

When Cancel Culture Invades the Church

Your social media feed is probably filled with examples of the latest person who has been “cancelled” because of something they said years ago or an unpopular position they recently expressed. Being cancelled is a weapon powerful enough to prompt teens to take their...

4 Things To Remember If Someone You Care About Is “Deconstructing”

“I don’t believe in God anymore. At least not in the God I heard about in church.” Have you heard someone you love make this statement? Have you read similar declarations from people you once admired? According to the Barna institute, this trend is likely to continue....

Reader’s Corner: “Embodied” by Dr. Preston Sprinkle

I remember standing in the grocery store checkout line not more than five years ago while listening to a podcast. The host of the podcast suggested that within just a few years, gender would be considered a fluid concept, simply a social construct, by mainstream...

Parenting Through Weakness

Dear Juli, I’m the mom of two teenage girls. I know I need to talk to them about sex but honestly, I don’t know where to begin. My sex life is a mess. My husband and I have relied on porn in our marriage for years. I have abuse in my past that I’ve never dealt with. I...

Predictability and Passion Can Improve a Boring Sex Life

If you are married, there is a very good chance that you and your spouse have different sexual appetites. This not only applies to how often you want to have sex, but also to how adventurous you would each like to be in the bedroom. A healthy sex life has aspects of...

Spice Up Your Sex Life

Are you feeling stuck in your home and in your sex life? Think back to the last time you left your house: It could possibly have been four or five weeks! And most likely it has been even longer since you and your spouse went out for a date night. When my husband and I...

COVID-19 and Porn: A Quick Fix But No Solution

(Presione aquí para leer en español). Since COVID-19 the pornography industry has seen a massive increase in website traffic. On March 24th, one major site announced that their premium content would be free to all visitors resulting in a massive increase of 18.5%. The...

Don’t Waste the Pain

Practically every conversation I’ve had in the last week has contained a phrase like, “These are strange times.” Strange times, indeed. Never in our lives have we walked through so much uncertainty. Our health, careers, and security all seem to be dangling on a...

When Christians Disagree About Sex

When the Nashville statement was released, it brought conservative Christianity’s relationship with sexual issues front and center into the mainstream media. USA Today described the Nashville statement this way, “A coalition of conservative evangelical leaders laid...

What’s the Purpose of Your Sexuality, Really?

(Presione aquí para leer en español). If someone asks you, “What are your thoughts on cohabitation?” or “Do you believe God is ok with gay marriage?” how would you respond? To answer those questions, you will (without even realizing it) tap into your underlying...

Why Does Sex Matter in Marriage? Pt. 2

For the past decade, my full-time job has been to address sexual issues from a Christian perspective. Knowing that, you can imagine the kind of emails I regularly receive in my inbox! What I’ve learned is that sexuality represents pain in a lot of lives and marriages....

Why Does Sex Matter in Marriage? Pt. 1

Most of us have been told that sex in marriage is important. But why does it matter? For many of us, sex may just be “meh” or tend to cause more division in our relationships than unity. The reality is that sexual issues are always among the top reasons for marital...

Forgiveness is Hard, Grace is Harder

We spend a lot of time as Christ-followers talking about forgiving one another. After all, Jesus taught the importance of forgiveness, saying that our Heavenly Father will not forgive us if we fail to forgive each other. That’s pretty heavy! While forgiveness is a...

Joshua Harris, Sexuality, and “Deconstructing” Christianity

Recently, the evangelical world has been rocked by the news of Joshua Harris’s decision to leave his marriage and Christian beliefs. Joshua is the bestselling author of I Kissed Dating Goodbye and was a well-known spokesperson for the purity movement of the 1990s. A...

Where Do You Run When Marriage Gets Lonely?

It’s one thing to be lonely when you are single, wondering if and when God will ever bring the right guy. It’s another matter for your heart to ache with loneliness when the “right guy” is living in your home and sleeping in your bed. If this is your reality, please...

Beyond a Happy Marriage

Within the past month, I’ve been accused of two things that seem to be mutually exclusive. A few women have made comments like, “Why don’t you ever challenge the men? Why is it always the woman’s responsibility to build a healthy marriage?” And men have written me...

How to Choose a Wise Counselor

(Presione aquí para leer en español) All your own efforts and gumption, your prayers and advice-seeking, your reading and research—you've tried it all, and still your struggle persists. You've reached it: the point at which you know you need help. You need a...

¿Es necesario el perdón para la sanidad?

¿Qué dice la Biblia sobre el perdón y nuestro bienestar?

Cómo hablar con tu cónyuge sobre el sexo

¿Por qué nos resulta más cómodo tener sexo que hablar de él?

How To Talk to Your Spouse About Sex

Why is it we’re more comfortable having sex than we are talking about it?

What You Need To Know About Sex Before Your Wedding Night

How can you prepare for wedding night sex if you’ve never had it before? We explore 3 ideas to help you get ready for first-time sex.

Sexual Abuse: How the Church Should Respond

What is the Church’s responsibility in addressing sexual abuse and what steps should we take to prevent it?

I Was Sexually Abused. Now, God Is Restoring My Identity

How does sexual abuse impact the way we view ourselves? A sexual abuse survivor shares her journey towards healing.

How to Bridge the Gap in Mismatched Libidos in Marriage

Juli expands on a popular episode with Dr. Michael Sytsma and Shaunti Feldhahn all about how couples can bridge the sexual desire gap.

For a Better Marriage, Try This

What do you think is the most important element when it comes to marriage?

Overcoming Addiction: The Crucial Element You Might Be Missing

What does it mean to be “in Christ,” and how does this lead to healing and freedom?

When Your Adult Child Makes Sexual Choices You Disagree With

What does it look like to love God and love an adult child who has a very different sexual ethic?

How can you Know if You’re Ready for Marriage?

Are you as ready as you think you are for marriage?

Should I Go to a Gay Wedding?

Few topics in today’s world are more divisive in the Christian Church than sexuality.

Dios Dice Que El Sexo Es Para El Matrimonio: Aquí Veremos Porqué

Guardar el sexo para el matrimonio es tan raro que se vuelve noticia cuando una pareja declara públicamente que esta es su intención.

Sexual Entitlement: What it is and Why it is Ruining Your Marriage

Yes, God created sex for marriage, but did He promise it to us?

3 Reasons Why “Faking It” is Making Your Bad Sex Life Even Worse

While faking climax or sexual enjoyment may seem like a solution when you don’t like sex, it’s not a healthy long-term strategy. Here’s why.

How To Heal And Grow: Four Surprising Pathways To Christ-Likeness

What would it look like to pursue freedom, healing and spiritual growth while embracing the way God designed you?

God Says Sex is For Marriage – Here’s Why

More and more Christians are having sex outside of marriage, but is this in line with what God’s word says?

Why Sexual Maturity Matters More Than Sexual Experience

What if the key to understanding sexual matters begins with knowing God’s word, trusting Him, and growing in self-control?

Help! I Know I Need to Talk to My Teenager About Sex, but How Do I Do It?

Want to share the good news about God’s design for sexuality with your teen? Start with creating a strong relational connection.

Help! I’m in a Sexless Marriage!

My husband and I haven’t had sex in two years. The drought began after I had our third child. I’ve never really enjoyed sex. I was always tired, and I just didn’t think it was worth the effort anymore. Now, we don’t even talk about it. My wife and I got married about...

Sex and the Great Commission

Several years ago, I shared with a friend the vision of Authentic Intimacy. My friend listened patiently and then shared her honest opinion, “Why is it important to help people have better sex lives? Shouldn’t we be spending our time feeding the poor and sharing the...

Are You a Good Friend? 7 Keys to Building Healthy Friendship

Several months ago, a friend invited me to coffee. After catching up on kids and ministry, I noticed her countenance shift. She obviously was struggling to share something difficult with me. After a few deep breaths, my friend explained how several years ago I had...

Reader’s Corner: “Single, Gay, Christian” by Gregory Coles

Single, Gay, Christian by Gregory Coles is a small, easy-to read book that packs a powerful punch. Coles is exceptionally articulate and does an excellent job of communicating his thoughts and feelings. Coles wrote the book as if he is sharing his ponderings and...

4 Reasons to Join a AI Leader Cohort

Scripture is filled with examples of the importance of working with one another. We learn about iron sharpening iron in Proverbs, how two are better than one in Ecclesiastes, and the metaphor of the body of Christ throughout the New Testament. We need one another in...

2 Reasons You’re Hesitant to Talk to Your Kids About Sex (But Shouldn’t Be)

My guest on the blog is Amy Davison, co-author of Mama Bear Apologetics Guide to Sexuality.* She's going to clear up two obstacles that keep parents from teaching their kids a biblical worldview of sexuality. Discipleship is not a word you hear that often outside of...

Masturbarse: ¿Está mal?

Ya que mi trabajo consiste en hablar con mujeres acerca del sexo, hay pocas preguntas que no haya escuchado y que no haya respondido. Sin embargo, hay una pregunta muy común que no me gusta responder. ¿Está bien masturbarse? Esta pregunta es un...

“¿La masturbación es pecado?” Puede que estés haciendo la pregunta equivocada

Siempre que hablo con un grupo de personas sobre sexualidad, trato de dejar tiempo para una sesión de preguntas y respuestas anónimas. No importa quién esté escuchando, joven o viejo, hombre o mujer, casado o soltero, estoy segura de que me preguntarán sobre la...

“Is Masturbation a Sin?” You May Be Asking the Wrong Question

(Presione aquí para leer en español.) Whenever I speak to a group of people about sexuality, I try to include time for an anonymous Q&A session. No matter who is listening, young or old, male or female, married or single, I am sure to be asked about masturbation:...

Stop Trying So Hard!

Several years ago, I met with a spiritual mentor with whom I shared an ongoing battle with a particular sin. We had been meeting every month for over a year, yet I was still tempted by the same sin. I didn’t feel like I was making any spiritual progress! I asked her,...

Why Promise Rings and Purity Talks Fall Short

True Love Waits. I Kissed Dating Goodbye. Promise rings. These are the touchstones of predominant teaching on sexual purity promoted by the Christian community throughout the past several decades. Yet, the word purity among today’s Christian adults can elicit feelings...

Shame Doesn’t Have the Final Word

Most women bask in the comment “You look so young!” but not Jeni. Why? Because she is young … too young to be the mom of a six-year-old girl. When Jeni goes to her daughter’s kindergarten class, she feels out of place with every other mom, many of whom are more than a...

How to Have Tough Conversations

(Presione aquí para leer en español) If you listen to our podcast, Java with Juli, you know that I don’t like small talk. Ever since I was a little girl, I have been able to acutely sense unspoken tension in a room. I’m anxious when I have a conflict with a friend or...

A Perfect Marriage

Mike and I recently attended a wedding. The bride was stunning, and the groom gleamed with pride. Not a dry eye in the place. Weddings are beautiful—not just because of the music, flowers, dresses, and tuxes, but also because they represent young, unblemished love....

A Secret for the Guys

Every day we hear from men who desperately want help and encouragement for their wives. Most commonly, they complain that their wives are not interested in sexual intimacy. Many of these messages end with pleas like “Help me! What can I do to help her understand my...

Your Sexual Differences Can Make You Better Lovers

Have you ever wondered why God made you and your husband so different? For many years, I thought that might be my first question to God when I got to heaven. The differences between me and my husband, particularly in the bedroom, were driving us both crazy. Sexual...

Is There Really a 7-Year Itch?

My husband and I are leading a Bible study with mostly newlywed couples. After a few weeks, we noticed how often we referred to the seven-year-something . . . itch? pit? slump? The other couples in the group started nervously teasing about what terrible blockade may...

When Your Child Has Been Sexually Abused

The headlines are filled with horrific accounts of childhood sexual abuse. Behind every headline are children and their parents, families grasping for help and hope through devastating news. We have received many emails from parents who recently discovered that their...

Your Husband Needs You Too

I vividly remember life as it was about 15 years ago. A newborn, a 4-year-old and a 6-year-old, all boys. Most mornings, I woke up to someone crying or pleading for breakfast. From the time my feet hit the ground until I went to bed, someone needed me. I was acutely...

Pure Sadness and a Better Way Forward

I recently read a very sad book, Pure by Linda Kay Klein. This book keeps popping up in my newsfeed which tells me that people want to talk about it. The subtitle of the book hits precisely why this book caused my heart to ache: “Inside the evangelical movement that...

Your Spouse Doesn’t Complete You

When is the last time you felt disappointed by your marriage? Notice that I asked when, not if. Disappointment is a normal part of any relationship, but it hits us particularly hard in marriage. We live in a day and time when marriage is presented as an answer for...

Loving a Broken Man (Or Woman)

Gary Thomas has been a guest on Java with Juli multiple times and also joined us for our webinar "Having a Mission-Focused Marriage." He is a bestselling author and international speaker whose ministry brings people closer to Christ and closer to others. He unites the...

Sexual Pleasure Isn’t Shameful

God cares about your sex life. It may seem weird to see the words God and sex in the same sentence. Sometimes when I teach women on this topic, they have a visceral reaction to the concept of God knowing about their sex lives. Psalm 139 tells us that God is always...

Does Your Husband Need Sex?

Until recently, it has been part of the Christian marriage narrative that men need sex. Christian marriage books over the decades have repeatedly claimed that sex is a primary need for guys in marriage. In many marriages (but not all), husbands would eagerly nod their...

Parenting as a Team

When I look at the home my husband grew up in and compare it to how I was raised, it’s a wonder we ended up together. Our backgrounds are so completely opposite that no marriage counselor in her right mind would have suggested that we marry. Once we said, “I do,” Mike...

The Great Danger: He Can Have My Body, But…

Jerusha Clark wrote the following guest blog as a follow up to her and Juli's conversation on Java with Juli. Jerusha and her husband Jeramy have been sharing their journey of marriage and parenting for many years, encouraging others with what God is teaching them.You...

When Your Kids Look At Porn

As the mom of three sons, there are days I wish I could be parenting in a different era… one in which cell phones did not exist and comic books were more common than pornography. Yet we do not choose the time and place which God inserts us into history. Pornography...

How We Love Each Other

I grew up in a family of six kids, all very close in age. My position as “number five” out of six is probably a huge part of why I became a psychologist. My earliest pictures are often of me in a playpen observing family life. As teenagers, my sisters and I became...

What If I Hate Sex?

"I hate sex. It makes me angry to hear you even suggest that I’m supposed to be enjoying it. I’ve been married twenty-three years...

What If I Want Sex More Than My Husband Does?

I get asked this a lot. A woman often sheepishly approaches me at an event and says, “I’m one of those women you talked about who has a higher sex drive than my husband. What should I do?” Because women in this situation defy the stereotype, they sometimes feel shame...

Why the Word “Purity” is Cringy

My teenage sons have recently introduced me to a new word… “cringy.” It’s how they describe my attempts to dance and many of my lame puns. But it’s also the word many would associate with the term “sexual purity.” As a ministry, we’ve shied away from teaching about...

Sexual Boundaries for Singles

When women ask their honest questions about sexuality, the most common ones typically relate to whether certain things are right or wrong for Christian women to engage in. They want to know where the boundaries lie. (Presione aquí para leer en español). Is...

Coming to Terms with Sexual Desire as a Single Woman

“Just wait for marriage,” so I’ve been told. So I’ve waited . . . and waited. And as I’ve waited, I’ve begun to wonder, If marriage doesn’t come, what am I waiting for? I remember the True Love Waits talks in middle and high school. The message was that sex was bad...

Help! My Husband Is The One With The Headache

Watch a movie or flip through some TV sitcoms and you will hear men always want sex. Men are portrayed as constantly turned on and trying to get their wives into bed while the women are typically shown rolling their eyes. Ask a group “What do men think about most...

Is Sexual Intimacy A “Sacrament”?

A lot of married couples consider their sexual relationship as an optional addition to the true substance of marriage, doing life together. In the hectic pace of managing careers, raising children, and helping others, getting naked together can seem like a nice perk...

The Very Important Difference Between Conflict and Fighting

I’ve shared with you in past blog posts that my husband, Mike, and I are very, very different. Early in our marriage, these differences created a lot of tensions. There were days when I wondered if we could make it with such divergent views on everything from money to...

How to say “Yes, Yes, Yes!” after “No, No, No!”

As we round the corner into late spring, it’s wedding season. Although every new marriage has its unique struggles, some questions newlyweds ask are somewhat predictable. One of them is represented by the title of this blog. This question is not just asked by the...

God’s Healing Stinks

(Presione aquí para leer en español.) Have you ever had the experience of God “unfolding” the meaning of a Scripture passage in your heart? Recently, He’s been doing that in my heart with John 11. This is the account of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead. Over the...

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