When I look at the home my husband grew up in and compare it to how I was raised, it’s a wonder we ended up together. Our backgrounds are so completely opposite that no marriage counselor in her right mind would have suggested that we marry. Once we said, “I do,” Mike...
Jerusha Clark wrote the following guest blog as a follow up to her and Juli's conversation on Java with Juli. Jerusha and her husband Jeramy have been sharing their journey of marriage and parenting for many years, encouraging others with what God is teaching them.You...
I grew up in a family of six kids, all very close in age. My position as “number five” out of six is probably a huge part of why I became a psychologist. My earliest pictures are often of me in a playpen observing family life. As teenagers, my sisters and I became...
There is no pain like discovering that your husband has been unfaithful. It’s as if your whole world has been shattered. You doubt your instincts because you have been fooled. You make vows to never trust again because old vows have been broken. Based on God’s Word,...
“I don’t feel sexual desire toward my boyfriend/fiancé. Should I stay single?” Let me introduce you to three different women who have asked me this question for very different reasons: Chelsey has been dating Drew for two years. They have a deep affection for each...
As you watch a flood of #MeToo tags come through your social media feed, what is your reaction? Maybe you feel sick to your stomach, need some time to let the grief wash over you, or experience a rush of anger. Me too. How does something that is so hidden and...
God’s desire is not to limit your enjoyment, but to heighten it.
The stereotype of an adulterous affair in marriage has typically been the picture of a cheating husband. The man has a one-night stand on a business trip or falls in love with his secretary. I guess it never occurred to us that for every cheating man, there must also...
Watch a movie or flip through some TV sitcoms and you will hear men always want sex. Men are portrayed as constantly turned on and trying to get their wives into bed while the women are typically shown rolling their eyes. Ask a group “What do men think about most...
As we round the corner into late spring, it’s wedding season. Although every new marriage has its unique struggles, some questions newlyweds ask are somewhat predictable. One of them is represented by the title of this blog. This question is not just asked by the...
(Presione aquí para leer en español.) Have you ever had the experience of God “unfolding” the meaning of a Scripture passage in your heart? Recently, He’s been doing that in my heart with John 11. This is the account of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead. Over the...
Sexual addiction doesn’t always have the face you think it will. I was speaking at a large women’s leaders conference in Texas. In the middle of worship, I suddenly found a woman weeping uncontrollably in my arms. I escorted her out of the room, holding her as she...
A transcript of Java with Juli #562, where Brad Rhoads from Grace Marriage, shared at Reclaim 2024.
¿Qué dice la Biblia sobre el perdón y nuestro bienestar?
Aquí hay un marco de cuatro cosas que pueden guiarte mientras recorres el difícil camino de criar a un adolescente o adulto joven a través del pecado sexual y el quebrantamiento.
Aunque no es agradable lidiar con desacuerdos sobre las preferencias sexuales, es necesario hablar sobre el sexo.
Is there a connection between healing and the unforgiveness that so often fills our hearts?
Pocos temas en el mundo actual son más divisivos en la Iglesia cristiana que la sexualidad.
There are many Christians who feel uncomfortable with their sexuality. Juli explores possible reasons why and advises on how to overcome it.
Este artículo fue escrito por uno de nuestros invitados, Jonathan Daugherty, fundador y presidente de Be Broken Ministries.
Yes, God created sex for marriage, but did He promise it to us?
While faking climax or sexual enjoyment may seem like a solution when you don’t like sex, it’s not a healthy long-term strategy. Here’s why.
What would it look like to pursue freedom, healing and spiritual growth while embracing the way God designed you?
More and more Christians are having sex outside of marriage, but is this in line with what God’s word says?
What if the key to understanding sexual matters begins with knowing God’s word, trusting Him, and growing in self-control?
Si todo en tu vida siguiera siendo exactamente como es en este momento, ¿crees que aún podrías ser verdadera y profundamente feliz? Como mujer soltera, esto era algo que estaba acostumbrada a preguntarme. Después de todo, el matrimonio no era una certeza. Sin...
Want to share the good news about God’s design for sexuality with your teen? Start with creating a strong relational connection.
My husband and I haven’t had sex in two years. The drought began after I had our third child. I’ve never really enjoyed sex. I was always tired, and I just didn’t think it was worth the effort anymore. Now, we don’t even talk about it. My wife and I got married about...
My guest on the blog today is my favorite human, Zack Skarka! After I shared my struggle with body image, I invited Zack to tell his side of the story too. If you need to share this blog with your husband, please know that I'll be praying for you! Ask God for wisdom,...
Your social media feed is probably filled with examples of the latest person who has been “cancelled” because of something they said years ago or an unpopular position they recently expressed. Being cancelled is a weapon powerful enough to prompt teens to take their...
As someone who serves in ministry with my own history of struggling with pornography, women often pour out their stories to me with a sigh of relief. While sitting on my living room couch, Jessica shared her struggle with porn: I was exposed to pornography as a first...
El estereotipo de una relación adúltera en el matrimonio ha sido típicamente la imagen de un marido infiel. El hombre tiene una aventura de una noche en un viaje de negocios o se enamora de su secretaria. Supongo que nunca se nos ocurrió...
We live in a day and age in which there is a lot of debate about words. What’s okay to say? What is politically correct? How can we speak in ways that are not offensive? As we discuss issues like politics, racial justice, and sexuality with others, we can feel as if...
This morning, I met with a group of friends to encourage each other in our marriages. As we talked, one of the women described her discouragement when her husband failed to text her during the day about something that was important to her. “He knew my sister was going...
We’ve written before about the growing trend of husbands who would rather play their Xbox or Nintendo Switch—or spend hours glued to ESPN, oblivious of your screaming child and leaking roof—than step into adult responsibilities. Whatever the scenario, the burden of...
I recently met with a friend who shared openly with me about her struggles in marriage. “It’s like living with a robot! He doesn’t seem to know how to connect emotionally. Am I supposed to live the next thirty years with this man? Does God really want me to be so...
Mike and I recently attended a wedding. The bride was stunning, and the groom gleamed with pride. Not a dry eye in the place. Weddings are beautiful—not just because of the music, flowers, dresses, and tuxes, but also because they represent young, unblemished love....
My husband and I are leading a Bible study with mostly newlywed couples. After a few weeks, we noticed how often we referred to the seven-year-something . . . itch? pit? slump? The other couples in the group started nervously teasing about what terrible blockade may...
In the process of teaching about biblical sexuality, I have at times taken a critical look at traditions Christians have long held as truth. For example, you may have heard a recent Java with Juli episode exploring the missteps and harmful messages of the conservative...
A few days ago, I rushed to see Toni (the lady who cuts my hair) in the middle of the work day. I got there with just a few minutes to spare after getting off a conference call. Someone else was sitting in Toni’s chair. “I’ll just wait in the lobby until you’re done,”...
I recently read a very sad book, Pure by Linda Kay Klein. This book keeps popping up in my newsfeed which tells me that people want to talk about it. The subtitle of the book hits precisely why this book caused my heart to ache: “Inside the evangelical movement that...
When is the last time you felt disappointed by your marriage? Notice that I asked when, not if. Disappointment is a normal part of any relationship, but it hits us particularly hard in marriage. We live in a day and time when marriage is presented as an answer for...
Gary Thomas has been a guest on Java with Juli multiple times and also joined us for our webinar "Having a Mission-Focused Marriage." He is a bestselling author and international speaker whose ministry brings people closer to Christ and closer to others. He unites the...
When children reach the age of two, they begin asking a question they never stop asking. Why? If you are parenting a young child, you are faced with endless why questions. Why do I have to go to bed so early? Why do I have to eat brussel sprouts? Why do you have to go...
Until recently, it has been part of the Christian marriage narrative that men need sex. Christian marriage books over the decades have repeatedly claimed that sex is a primary need for guys in marriage. In many marriages (but not all), husbands would eagerly nod their...
If you are old enough to recall the sitcom Happy Days, you’ll remember “The Fonz.” Henry Winkler played the character of Arthur Fonzarelli, the coolest guy in town. The Fonz in his leather jacket and perfect hair could get all the ladies with the snap of his fingers....
As the mom of three sons, there are days I wish I could be parenting in a different era… one in which cell phones did not exist and comic books were more common than pornography. Yet we do not choose the time and place which God inserts us into history. Pornography...
Several months ago, I got really sick. I was in bed for days with a high fever and chills, a deep cough, and no appetite. I gave the illness several days to run its course, treating my symptoms with Tylenol and cough medicine. When I didn’t get better, my husband took...
"I hate sex. It makes me angry to hear you even suggest that I’m supposed to be enjoying it. I’ve been married twenty-three years...
I get asked this a lot. A woman often sheepishly approaches me at an event and says, “I’m one of those women you talked about who has a higher sex drive than my husband. What should I do?” Because women in this situation defy the stereotype, they sometimes feel shame...
My teenage sons have recently introduced me to a new word… “cringy.” It’s how they describe my attempts to dance and many of my lame puns. But it’s also the word many would associate with the term “sexual purity.” As a ministry, we’ve shied away from teaching about...
Over the past few weeks, we’ve heard from a few of you that are frustrated that we talk so much about what men need in marriage. Several of our recent podcasts and last week’s webinar have been about helping you understand your husband’s needs and...
Over the past few decades, we’ve slowly been eroding what it means to be male and female. Recently this movement has culminated in normalizing transgenderism and the vilification of anyone who stands upon a traditional definition of male and female. Just last week,...
“Just wait for marriage,” so I’ve been told. So I’ve waited . . . and waited. And as I’ve waited, I’ve begun to wonder, If marriage doesn’t come, what am I waiting for? I remember the True Love Waits talks in middle and high school. The message was that sex was bad...
A lot of married couples consider their sexual relationship as an optional addition to the true substance of marriage, doing life together. In the hectic pace of managing careers, raising children, and helping others, getting naked together can seem like a nice perk...
I’ve shared with you in past blog posts that my husband, Mike, and I are very, very different. Early in our marriage, these differences created a lot of tensions. There were days when I wondered if we could make it with such divergent views on everything from money to...
A few years ago, Sheryl Sandberg (the CEO of Facebook and now Google), wrote a best-selling book, Lean In. She shared her observations about women, careers and what keeps women from advancement in the workplace. While I think Lean In has some practical advice for...
I had the opportunity to have coffee with Francine Rivers, bestselling author of Redeeming Love. Francine used to write erotic historical fiction. She offers insight into how erotica is a harmful escape, both to the author and reader. You can listen to our...
Mi esposo y yo no hemos tenido relaciones sexuales en dos años. La sequía comenzó después de que tuve a nuestro tercer hijo. Nunca he disfrutado realmente del sexo. Siempre estaba cansada, y simplemente dejé de pensar que valía la pena el esfuerzo. Ahora, ni siquiera...
Dr. Kathy Koch explains why foundational biblical beliefs are such a critical element of teaching your kids about sex.
Juli suggests some steps Christians can take as they pursue Godly living and surrendered sexuality in our hypersexualized world.
A male perspective on some of the negative fallout of purity culture.
Juli challenges wives to reject blame and consider biblical teaching on responding to the painful sins of those we love.
Have you learned and adopted more beliefs about sex from the movies than you realize?
While we do need to reject the legalism of purity culture, Juli explains that boundaries still help us embrace godliness with our sexuality.
¿Quieres saber cuál es la pregunta que no me deja dormir? Es la siguiente: ¿Cómo puedo honrar a Dios con mi sexualidad en medio de mi quebrantamiento sexual y mis deseos insatisfechos? En Authentic Intimacy, a menudo usamos el término integridad sexual en lugar...
There are significant differences between the way the Bible and the world talk about freedom, so what does it really mean to live freely?
The Bible warns against bitterness, but how do we prevent bitterness from growing in our hearts? Hannah Nitz shares her heart on the blog.
If everything in your life were to remain exactly the way it is in this current moment, do you think you could still be truly, deeply happy? As a single woman, this was something I was used to asking myself. After all, marriage was not a certainty. What surprised me...
Our sexuality is not an isolated part of who we are, but an integrated aspect of what it means to be created in God’s image and loved by Him. Our sexual questions and pain points connect with our deepest longings and fears. It’s impossible to grapple with our sexuality without also confronting our foundational beliefs about God. Is He good? Is He trustworthy? Does He see me?
“¿Qué hago con mis deseos sexuales?” He escuchado esta pregunta por parte de hombres y de mujeres, por parte de personas que nunca han estado casadas y por parte de personas que ahora son “solteros de nuevo.” También he escuchado esta pregunta por parte de personas...
Cuando estaba en quinto grado, mi amiga abrió mi laptop y me introdujo al mundo de la pornografía. En ese tiempo, yo no sabía que era la pornografía, pero lo que sí supe fue que era...
“Anoche encontré a mi esposo viendo pornografía. Esta no es la primera vez que sucede. Me siento tan violada, como si nunca pudiera volver a compartir mi cuerpo con él. De todos modos, ¿por qué debería? ¡Nunca podré competir con la pornografía!” Si tu esposo ha estado...
¿Alguna vez has tenido una experiencia en la que Dios ha “revelado” el significado de un pasaje de las Escrituras en tu corazón? Recientemente, Él ha estado haciendo eso en mi corazón con Juan 11. Este es el relato de cuando Jesús resucitó a Lázaro de entre los...
Extraído de 25 Preguntas Que Tienes Miedo de Hacer Sobre el Amore, el Sexo, y la Intimidad de Dr. Juli Slattery. © 2015 en Unilit Publishers. Usado con permiso. Detesto el sexo. Me enoja escuchar que incluso sugieres que se supone que se disfrute. He estado casada por...
Extraído de 25 Preguntas Que Tienes Miedo de Hacer Sobre el Amore, el Sexo, y la Intimidad de Dr. Juli Slattery. © 2015 en Unilit Publishers. Usado con permiso. No existe un dolor mayor como el de descubrir que tu esposo te ha sido infiel. Es como si todo tu mundo se...
Pornography impacts men and women, yet when was the last time you heard a sermon on porn in your church? When was the last time you heard it specifically address women? Most female porn addicts feel alone and often feel left out of the conversation. Instead of finding...
When the Nashville statement was released, it brought conservative Christianity’s relationship with sexual issues front and center into the mainstream media. USA Today described the Nashville statement this way, “A coalition of conservative evangelical leaders laid...
In case you haven’t heard, Fifty Shades of Grey was recently named the best-selling book of the decade. When I saw this come through my newsfeed, my first thought was, “Here we go again…” I’m quite certain that we will have another round of debates about the relative...
Growing up, I was never much of a cook. With three sisters and a mother who all cook and bake masterfully, I had no reason to learn how. As a wife and mother, I reluctantly accepted my role as the family chef. A few years ago, I attempted to bake a homemade cake for a...
Last week, I spent $44 at Costco on Gillette razor blades for my husband. When I heard Gillette had just released a controversial video on toxic manhood, I wondered if I would regret my purchase. Having just watched the Gillette commercial, I couldn’t be more...
Someone once asked my husband, Mike, “What’s it like being married to a psychologist?” Mike answered, “It’s great. I get to sleep with my therapist.” In all seriousness, there are some very frustrating things about having a wife who is a psychologist. Probably the...
Have you ever wondered if your life matters? Out of all of the people on the planet, why is your life unique? From the time of my childhood, I’ve heard that I was made “in the image of God.” This one truth sets all humanity apart from every other created being. As...
Through our work at Authentic Intimacy, Linda Dillow and I have met hundreds of women on a healing journey. Some are dealing with sexual trauma, others infidelity and betrayal, and still others can’t shake the shame from their past. We have witnessed the power of our...
What is the most effective glue in marriage? Many modern couples would answer, “our children.” The Atlantic recently published an article stating that modern marriages are becoming more child-centered. It is an emerging trend for several reasons. Most notably, more...
(Presione aquí para leer en español). “Last night I walked in on my husband viewing porn. This isn’t the first time this has happened. I feel so violated—like I could never share my body with him again. Why should I, anyway? I could never compete with porn!” If your...
This month I gave birth to my eighth book. Actually, it was a “co-labor” with my dear friend and mentor, Linda Dillow. When I use the word “labor,” I mean it. This book, Surprised by the Healer, was probably the most difficult that either of us has ever written....
I recently read a book about sexual patterns among young adults called Premarital Sex in America by Mark Regnerus and Jeremy Uecker. Let’s just say that the news is not good. Americans are having sex younger and sooner in relationships, with more people and are...
Dear Juli, I'm currently in a season of singleness, but I've had two serious relationships with godly guys before this. Both (not right away) admitted to struggling/having struggled with pornography. At first, I was shocked and a little disgusted. Talking to them,...
Want to watch a group of women swoon? Tell a story about a husband who was completely spontaneous. There is something about the mystery and surprise of impromptu romance that fills women with passion! Anything from randomly picking up flowers to a last minute road...
Intimacy with God . . . what a strange concept! How can I be intimate with someone I can’t see, hear, or touch? God and I can’t go out for coffee or even give each other a hug. Yet we know that God created us for intimate fellowship with him. What is that supposed to...
As Christians, what is our anger supposed to look like? Juli shares some helpful ways to navigate anger and still glorify God.
Dr. Joy Skarka, Authentic Intimacy Program Manager, explains what Christians struggling with porn can do to overcome it.
How does a preacher minister to the sexually hurting from the pulpit? Dr. Sam Serio has some key insights.
Today’s Christian parents often feel torn between the cultural messages of sex positivity and traditional church teachings about saving sex for marriage, both of which seem fraught with potential challenges and pitfalls. While cultural messages are at odds with God’s...
Over the past decade, I have physically stood in front of more than 100,000 people to teach on sexuality. It is literally my job to talk about sex. But here’s a little secret. The most difficult conversations I have had about sex have been with my own children. It has...
My husband had just returned home with our youngest son after a weekend away for the sex talk. Christian, eleven at the time, sheepishly told me, “Mom, I feel like I’m too young to know all these things about sex.” I reassured him, “I know how you feel, but Dad and I...
This is potentially the most controversial blog I have ever written. As I’ve often stated, the Bible isn’t primarily offensive because of what it says about our sexuality. It is offensive because of what it says about our humanity. You may disagree with what you are...
It isn’t uncommon for us to receive questions from married couples asking about a normal frequency for sex. Should they have sex once a week, twice a week, or every day?! We understand that it can be challenging for two people with different levels of desire for sex...