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Does Your Husband Need Sex?

Does Your Husband Need Sex?

Until recently, it has been part of the Christian marriage narrative that men need sex. Christian marriage books over the decades have repeatedly claimed that sex is a primary need for guys in marriage. In many marriages (but not all), husbands would eagerly nod their...

Learning to Say “I Was Wrong”

Learning to Say “I Was Wrong”

If you are old enough to recall the sitcom Happy Days, you’ll remember “The Fonz.” Henry Winkler played the character of Arthur Fonzarelli, the coolest guy in town. The Fonz in his leather jacket and perfect hair could get all the ladies with the snap of his fingers....

When Your Kids Look At Porn

When Your Kids Look At Porn

As the mom of three sons, there are days I wish I could be parenting in a different era… one in which cell phones did not exist and comic books were more common than pornography. Yet we do not choose the time and place which God inserts us into history. Pornography...

Another Reminder That Something is Wrong

Another Reminder That Something is Wrong

Several months ago, I got really sick. I was in bed for days with a high fever and chills, a deep cough, and no appetite. I gave the illness several days to run its course, treating my symptoms with Tylenol and cough medicine. When I didn’t get better, my husband took...

What If I Hate Sex?

What If I Hate Sex?

"I hate sex. It makes me angry to hear you even suggest that I’m supposed to be enjoying it. I’ve been married twenty-three years and have never enjoyed it. Frankly, I do it because I’m supposed to.”  (Presione aquí para leer en español)  I hear from women like this...

What If I Want Sex More Than My Husband Does?

What If I Want Sex More Than My Husband Does?

I get asked this a lot. A woman often sheepishly approaches me at an event and says, “I’m one of those women you talked about who has a higher sex drive than my husband. What should I do?” Because women in this situation defy the stereotype, they sometimes feel shame...

Why the Word “Purity” is Cringy

Why the Word “Purity” is Cringy

My teenage sons have recently introduced me to a new word… “cringy.” It’s how they describe my attempts to dance and many of my lame puns. But it’s also the word many would associate with the term “sexual purity.” As a ministry, we’ve shied away from teaching about...

Coming to Terms with Sexual Desire as a Single Woman

Coming to Terms with Sexual Desire as a Single Woman

“Just wait for marriage,” so I’ve been told. So I’ve waited . . . and waited. And as I’ve waited, I’ve begun to wonder, If marriage doesn’t come, what am I waiting for? I remember the True Love Waits talks in middle and high school. The message was that sex was bad...

Is Sexual Intimacy A “Sacrament”?

Is Sexual Intimacy A “Sacrament”?

A lot of married couples consider their sexual relationship as an optional addition to the true substance of marriage, doing life together. In the hectic pace of managing careers, raising children, and helping others, getting naked together can seem like a nice perk...

The Very Important Difference Between Conflict and Fighting

The Very Important Difference Between Conflict and Fighting

I’ve shared with you in past blog posts that my husband, Mike, and I are very, very different. Early in our marriage, these differences created a lot of tensions. There were days when I wondered if we could make it with such divergent views on everything from money to...

Are You Leaning In or Leaning Up?

Are You Leaning In or Leaning Up?

A few years ago, Sheryl Sandberg (the CEO of Facebook and now Google), wrote a best-selling book, Lean In. She shared her observations about women, careers and what keeps women from advancement in the workplace. While I think Lean In has some practical advice for...

¿Qué hago con mis deseos sexuales?

¿Qué hago con mis deseos sexuales?

“¿Qué hago con mis deseos sexuales?” He escuchado esta pregunta por parte de hombres y de mujeres, por parte de personas que nunca han estado casadas y por parte de personas que ahora son “solteros de nuevo.” También he escuchado esta pregunta por parte de personas...

Masturbarse: ¿Está mal?

Masturbarse: ¿Está mal?

Ya que mi trabajo consiste en hablar con mujeres acerca del sexo, hay pocas preguntas que no haya escuchado y que no haya respondido. Sin embargo, hay una pregunta muy común que no me gusta responder. ¿Está bien masturbarse? Esta pregunta es un...

¿Qué deberías hacer si tu esposo ve pornografía?

¿Qué deberías hacer si tu esposo ve pornografía?

“Anoche encontré a mi esposo viendo pornografía. Esta no es la primera vez que sucede. Me siento tan violada, como si nunca pudiera volver a compartir mi cuerpo con él. De todos modos, ¿por qué debería? ¡Nunca podré competir con la pornografía!” Si tu esposo ha estado...

La sanidad de Dios apesta

La sanidad de Dios apesta

¿Alguna vez has tenido una experiencia en la que Dios ha “revelado” el significado de un pasaje de las Escrituras en tu corazón? Recientemente, Él ha estado haciendo eso en mi corazón con Juan 11. Este es el relato de cuando Jesús resucitó a Lázaro de entre los...

¿Qué pasa si no me gusta el sexo?

¿Qué pasa si no me gusta el sexo?

Extraído de 25 Preguntas Que Tienes Miedo de Hacer Sobre el Amore, el Sexo, y la Intimidad de Dr. Juli Slattery. © 2015 en Unilit Publishers. Usado con permiso. Detesto el sexo. Me enoja escuchar que incluso sugieres que se supone que se disfrute. He estado casada por...

¿Cómo reconstruyo la confianza después de una traición?

¿Cómo reconstruyo la confianza después de una traición?

Extraído de 25 Preguntas Que Tienes Miedo de Hacer Sobre el Amore, el Sexo, y la Intimidad de Dr. Juli Slattery. © 2015 en Unilit Publishers. Usado con permiso. No existe un dolor mayor como el de descubrir que tu esposo te ha sido infiel. Es como si todo tu mundo se...

Nervous about leading a small group?

Nervous about leading a small group?

With the start of a new season begins the start of new small groups and Bible studies in your churches and ministries. Maybe you’re a new leader and you feel sick to your stomach when thinking about leading a group. Perhaps you’re scared to commit to leading, yet God...

God Says Not To Judge… Right?

God Says Not To Judge… Right?

Whenever I write a blog on a controversial sexual issue, I typically hear from people who remind me that God says not to judge other people. Whether I’m teaching about pornography, Fifty Shades of Grey, living together outside of marriage, divorce or homosexuality,...

When Christians Disagree About Sex

When Christians Disagree About Sex

When the Nashville statement was released, it brought conservative Christianity’s relationship with sexual issues front and center into the mainstream media. USA Today described the Nashville statement this way, “A coalition of conservative evangelical leaders laid...

Why I Care About Your Sex Life

Why I Care About Your Sex Life

In case you haven’t heard, Fifty Shades of Grey was recently named the best-selling book of the decade. When I saw this come through my newsfeed, my first thought was, “Here we go again…”  I’m quite certain that we will have another round of debates about the relative...

Sex is the Icing on the Cake

Sex is the Icing on the Cake

Growing up, I was never much of a cook. With three sisters and a mother who all cook and bake masterfully, I had no reason to learn how. As a wife and mother, I reluctantly accepted my role as the family chef. A few years ago, I attempted to bake a homemade cake for a...

Manhood on a Razor’s Edge

Manhood on a Razor’s Edge

Last week, I spent $44 at Costco on Gillette razor blades for my husband. When I heard Gillette had just released a controversial video on toxic manhood, I wondered if I would regret my purchase. Having just watched the Gillette commercial, I couldn’t be more...

Your Marriage Should Be Fun

Your Marriage Should Be Fun

Someone once asked my husband, Mike, “What’s it like being married to a psychologist?” Mike answered, “It’s great. I get to sleep with my therapist.” In all seriousness, there are some very frustrating things about having a wife who is a psychologist. Probably the...

Why Your Story Matters

Why Your Story Matters

Have you ever wondered if your life matters? Out of all of the people on the planet, why is your life unique? From the time of my childhood, I’ve heard that I was made “in the image of God.” This one truth sets all humanity apart from every other created being. As...

Encountering the Radical Love of Jesus

Encountering the Radical Love of Jesus

Through our work at Authentic Intimacy, Linda Dillow and I have met hundreds of women on a healing journey. Some are dealing with sexual trauma, others infidelity and betrayal, and still others can’t shake the shame from their past. We have witnessed the power of our...

Who is at the Center of Your Marriage?

Who is at the Center of Your Marriage?

What is the most effective glue in marriage? Many modern couples would answer, “our children.” The Atlantic recently published an article stating that modern marriages are becoming more child-centered. It is an emerging trend for several reasons. Most notably, more...

What Should You Do If Your Husband Looks at Porn?

What Should You Do If Your Husband Looks at Porn?

(Presione aquí para leer en español). “Last night I walked in on my husband viewing porn. This isn’t the first time this has happened. I feel so violated—like I could never share my body with him again. Why should I, anyway? I could never compete with porn!” If your...

Why We Must Be Surprised by the Healer

Why We Must Be Surprised by the Healer

This month I gave birth to my eighth book. Actually, it was a “co-labor” with my dear friend and mentor, Linda Dillow. When I use the word “labor,” I mean it. This book, Surprised by the Healer, was probably the most difficult that either of us has ever written....

3 Things Sex and Junk Food Have in Common

3 Things Sex and Junk Food Have in Common

I recently read a book about sexual patterns among young adults called Premarital Sex in America by Mark Regnerus and Jeremy Uecker. Let’s just say that the news is not good. Americans are having sex younger and sooner in relationships, with more people and are...

Don’t Be Spontaneous In Marriage

Don’t Be Spontaneous In Marriage

Want to watch a group of women swoon? Tell a story about a husband who was completely spontaneous. There is something about the mystery and surprise of impromptu romance that fills women with passion! Anything from randomly picking up flowers to a last minute road...

5 Secrets to Intimacy with God

5 Secrets to Intimacy with God

Intimacy with God . . . what a strange concept! How can I be intimate with someone I can’t see, hear, or touch? God and I can’t go out for coffee or even give each other a hug. Yet we know that God created us for intimate fellowship with him. What is that supposed to...

A Christian Mom, Her Sexual Addiction, and Forgiveness

A Christian Mom, Her Sexual Addiction, and Forgiveness

Sexual addiction doesn’t always have the face you think it will. I was speaking at a large women’s leaders conference in Texas. In the middle of worship, I suddenly found a woman weeping uncontrollably in my arms. I escorted her out of the room, holding her as she...

Confessions of a Former Erotica Author

Confessions of a Former Erotica Author

I had the opportunity to have coffee with Francine Rivers, bestselling author of Redeeming Love. Francine used to write erotic historical fiction. She offers insight into how erotica is a harmful escape, both to the author and reader. You can listen to our...

Sexual Integrity: The Heart of Sexually Discipling Your Kids

Sexual Integrity: The Heart of Sexually Discipling Your Kids

Today’s Christian parents often feel torn between the cultural messages of sex positivity and traditional church teachings about saving sex for marriage, both of which seem fraught with potential challenges and pitfalls. While cultural messages are at odds with God’s...

Talking to Your Kids About Sex: Why, When, and How

Talking to Your Kids About Sex: Why, When, and How

My husband had just returned home with our youngest son after a weekend away for the sex talk. Christian, eleven at the time, sheepishly told me, “Mom, I feel like I’m too young to know all these things about sex.” I reassured him, “I know how you feel, but Dad and I...

Does God Want Me to Love Myself?

Does God Want Me to Love Myself?

This is potentially the most controversial blog I have ever written. As I’ve often stated, the Bible isn’t primarily offensive because of what it says about our sexuality. It is offensive because of what it says about our humanity. You may disagree with what you are...

Help! How Much Sex is “Normal” for Married Couples?

Help! How Much Sex is “Normal” for Married Couples?

It isn’t uncommon for us to receive questions from married couples asking about a normal frequency for sex. Should they have sex once a week, twice a week, or every day?! We understand that it can be challenging for two people with different levels of desire for sex...

¿Qué hace que una relación sea íntima?

¿Qué hace que una relación sea íntima?

¿Qué hace que una relación sea íntima? Hace unos años, estaba hablando en un campus universitario sobre el diseño de Dios para la sexualidad. Durante un descanso, una joven se me acercó con una pregunta. “Dijiste que Dios me creó para la intimidad. ¿No es la intimidad...

What Defines an Intimate Relationship?

What Defines an Intimate Relationship?

A few years ago, I was speaking at a college campus about God’s design for sexuality. During a break, a young woman approached me with a question, “You said that God created me for intimacy. Isn’t intimacy the same thing as having sex?” (Presione aquí para leer en...

3 Ways To Make Sexual Intimacy a Priority in Your Marriage

3 Ways To Make Sexual Intimacy a Priority in Your Marriage

It’s often said, “Show me your calendar, and I’ll tell you what is important to you.” There are a lot of things we say are important to us but end up taking a back seat to busyness and the distractions that clamor for our attention. Intimacy in marriage is usually one...

What God Wants For Christmas

What God Wants For Christmas

True confession: the Christmas season overwhelms me. It’s not the busyness, the music, or the parties, but the gift-giving that stresses me out. Gifts are not my love language, so I never know how to answer my husband when he asks what I’d like for Christmas. What...

Church Is Good For You; It’s Time To Go Back

Church Is Good For You; It’s Time To Go Back

I meet more and more Christians who have simply given up on church. Maybe you are one of them. You’ve been disappointed by a leader, disillusioned by division, or just can’t find a place you belong. Through COVID-19 quarantines, perhaps you settled into a new routine...

Honestamente, ¿cuál es el propósito de tu sexualidad?

Si alguien te pregunta, “¿Cuál es tu opinión en cuanto a vivir con tu pareja sin estar casados?” o “¿Crees que Dios está de acuerdo con el matrimonio gay?” ¿Cómo responderías? Para responder estas preguntas, vas a terminar (sin siquiera darte cuenta) yendo a tus...

Sexual Attraction Isn’t as Important as You Think, Here’s Why

Sexual Attraction Isn’t as Important as You Think, Here’s Why

Within the past few months, several different people have posed questions to me about the importance of sexual attraction.  - A young woman asked, “I am in a dating relationship with a great guy. We connect on a lot of levels, but I’m not sexually attracted to him....

Límites sexuales en la soltería

Límites sexuales en la soltería

Cuando las mujeres abordan temas de sexualidad, las preguntas más comunes usualmente tienen que ver con cuáles cosas está bien que una mujer cristiana interactúe y con cuáles no. Quieren saber cuáles son los límites....

What Kind of Lover Are You?

What Kind of Lover Are You?

As women, we typically view sex as a way of expressing the love and intimacy we feel in our hearts. It’s definitely a challenge to be sexually intimate when those feelings of love are absent. For the first decade of our marriage, it irritated me when my husband wanted...

Three Things I (Wish I Hadn’t) Learned From Pornography

Three Things I (Wish I Hadn’t) Learned From Pornography

When I was a fifth grader, my friend opened my laptop and introduced me to pornography. At the time, I didn’t know what pornography was, but I did know that it was something new and exciting. Years would go by before I rediscovered porn. In college, after experiencing...

Purity Culture: Lose the Lies, Keep Your Faith

Purity Culture: Lose the Lies, Keep Your Faith

If you want to get “cancelled” in Christian culture, try using the phrase “sexual purity.” Even for many committed Christians, sexual purity has lost its luster. Women are writing dissertations and books about how the Church’s teaching on sex has not only harmed them...

Cuando te atrae alguien que no es tu cónyuge

Cuando te atrae alguien que no es tu cónyuge

El estereotipo de una relación adúltera en el matrimonio ha sido típicamente la imagen de un marido infiel. El hombre tiene una aventura de una noche en un viaje de negocios o se enamora de su secretaria. Supongo que nunca se nos ocurrió...

Five Things You Need to Know About Women, Orgasm & Intimacy

Five Things You Need to Know About Women, Orgasm & Intimacy

After speaking at a marriage event, I spent time with couples who wanted to ask a question or share a comment. A young couple sat patiently and silently until everyone else had left the auditorium. As I sat down to talk with them, they could barely get the words out. The young man began, “This is really embarrassing, but we don’t know where else to go for help. Umm, we’ve been married for, umm, six years and umm….” His wife quietly finished his sentence, “I don’t know how to achieve an orgasm.”

La importancia del discipulado sexual

La importancia del discipulado sexual

Durante los últimos años, he estado usando este término "discipulado sexual ™" para describir algo que verdaderamente nos apasiona en el ministerio de Intimidad Auténtica. Me he dado cuenta de que cuando las personas me escuchan unir esas dos palabras, se sienten...

Soltería y sexualidad

Soltería y sexualidad

¿Sabías que las mujeres solteras son sexuales? ¿Que tu sexualidad no tiene nada que ver con tener sexo o no? Por ridículo que parezca, muchos cristianos crecen pensando que mágicamente se volverán seres sexuales cuando se casen. Los solteros son seres sexuales creados...

Cómo elegir un consejero sabio

Cómo elegir un consejero sabio

Después de todos tus propios esfuerzos y tus agallas, tus oraciones y búsqueda de consejos, tus lecturas e investigaciones te das cuenta de que lo has intentado todo y aún persistes en tu lucha. Llegaste a ese punto en el que sabes que necesitas...

Are You Entitled to (Good) Sex In Marriage?

Are You Entitled to (Good) Sex In Marriage?

A man approached me after hearing me speak on the topic of sexual intimacy and thanked me for talking openly about such a vulnerable subject. Then he began sharing his story with me. He had just divorced his wife of 29 years because of a lack of fulfilling sex in...

ÀPuedo ser piadosa y gay?

ÀPuedo ser piadosa y gay?

Extraído de 25 Preguntas Que Tienes Miedo de Hacer Sobre el Amore, el Sexo, y la Intimidad de Dr. Juli Slattery. © 2015 en Unilit Publishers. Usado con permiso. Esta pregunta es un barril de pólvora; un asunto sensible...

Cómo tener conversaciones difíciles

Cómo tener conversaciones difíciles

Las personas que escuchan nuestro podcast, Java con Juli, saben que no me gusta hablar por hablar. Desde que era una niña, he sido capaz de sentir agudamente la tensión tácita en una habitación. Me pongo ansiosa cuando tengo un conflicto sin resolver con un amigo o...

¿Qué pasa si quiero más sexo que mi esposo?

¿Qué pasa si quiero más sexo que mi esposo?

Esto me lo preguntan mucho. A menudo, una mujer se me acerca con timidez en un evento y dice: «Soy una de esas mujeres de las que habló que tiene más deseo sexual que su esposo. ¿Qué debo hacer?». Puesto que las mujeres en esta situación desafían el estereotipo, a...

¿Puedo ser piadosa y gay?

¿Puedo ser piadosa y gay?

Extraído de 25 Preguntas Que Tienes Miedo de Hacer Sobre el Amore, el Sexo, y la Intimidad de Dr. Juli Slattery. © 2015 en Unilit Publishers. Usado con permiso. Esta pregunta es un barril de pólvora; un asunto sensible en extremo. Si tienes tendencias homosexuales o...

Experience Freedom From Shame

Experience Freedom From Shame

I’ll never forget how I felt the first time I looked into the mirror after being date raped in college. I stood there naked, alone, and ashamed. I began to question God and His love for me. Soon after this moment, I cried out to God in a journal entry. I wrote, God do...

Relational Revelation

Relational Revelation

As a Christian psychologist, I sometimes feel like I’m in the crosshairs of pastors and therapists who disagree about the road to healing. Those who study theology and teach the Bible often emphasize the importance of God’s Word and prayer. Christians in the therapy...

They’re Right. Abstinence-Only Education Doesn’t Work.

They’re Right. Abstinence-Only Education Doesn’t Work.

The New York Times and other prominent news sources recently reported that there is now proof that abstinence-only programs don’t work. A meta-analysis of data (this means analyzing data from a number of different studies) “found no good evidence that such programs...

You Can Be Single & Sexual

You Can Be Single & Sexual

(Presione aquí para leer en español) Did you know that single women are sexual? That your sexuality has nothing to do with whether or not you are having sex? As ridiculous as it sounds, many Christians grow up thinking that they will magically become sexual when they...

Sexual Boundaries for Singles

Sexual Boundaries for Singles

When women ask their honest questions about sexuality, the most common ones typically relate to whether certain things are right or wrong for Christian women to engage in. They want to know where the boundaries lie. (Presione aquí para leer en español).  Is...

Can I Be Godly and Gay?

Can I Be Godly and Gay?

Excerpted from 25 Questions You’re Afraid to Ask About Love, Sex, and Intimacy by Dr. Juli Slattery. © 2015 by Moody Publishers. Used with Permission. This question is a powder-keg–an extremely sensitive issue. If you have gay or bi-sexual tendencies, this is not just...

Gay Marriage and What We’ve Forgotten About God

Gay Marriage and What We’ve Forgotten About God

A.W. Tozer wrote, “The most important thing about you is what you believe about God.” There is a lot in the news today about what Christian leaders think about Hillary Clinton, Donald Trump, and gay marriage. Specifically, Jen Hatmaker’s recent comments have created...

Being Sexy Has Nothing To Do With Your Body

Being Sexy Has Nothing To Do With Your Body

When I talk to women about sex in marriage, one of the most common concerns is their bodies. “I’m just not sexy!” Practically every woman feels like she is either too old, too fat, too flat-chested, or too plain to be sexy. We live in a world that has definite...

The Erosion of Gender and You

The Erosion of Gender and You

Over the past few decades, we’ve slowly been eroding what it means to be male and female. Recently this movement has culminated in normalizing transgenderism and the vilification of anyone who stands upon a traditional definition of male and female. Just last week,...

Why We Need to Care About Sex In the News

Why We Need to Care About Sex In the News

I am sometimes lovingly accused of being so lost in my work and family that I don’t know what is going on in the world. It’s as if the Hannah and Carrie from the Authentic Intimacy team knock on the hatch of my “submarine” to tell me about the latest trends and...

Lady Gaga and Jesus the Healer

Lady Gaga and Jesus the Healer

It is not often that I find myself in agreement with Lady Gaga and the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, but last night was an exception. In a dramatic presentation, Lady Gaga performed Till it Happens To You as dozens of male and female victims of sexual...

Is There a Christian Version of Barbie?

Is There a Christian Version of Barbie?

This past year, Barbie has been in the news. For 57 years, this plastic woman has projected the ideal and unattainable image for American girls. The Daily Mail reported in 2013; a real-life Barbie would have “bones so frail it would be impossible to walk and would...

Pornography & Our Kids

Pornography & Our Kids

Our nation was recently appalled to discover that a city government in Flint, Michigan has been serving their citizens poisonous water for over a year. When concerns were raised, government officials gaffed them off as isolated incidents. Tragically, young children...

How To Be A Good Listener

How To Be A Good Listener

Has anyone ever told you that your ears are beautiful? Even sexy? I’ll let you in on a little secret: your ears just may be the most attractive part of your body. No, God didn’t make ears physically appealing. In fact, they seem to look the best when they blend into...

Is It Wrong to Get Plastic Surgery?

Is It Wrong to Get Plastic Surgery?

If you look in the mirror long enough, you’re going to see things you don’t like. Wrinkles, a nose that’s too big, flabby skin, and a body that is a better fit for Good Housekeeping than Vogue. Maybe you don’t have to look into the mirror to notice these things. Your...

How Do We Determine Right and Wrong?

How Do We Determine Right and Wrong?

In response to some of the posts I’ve written on issues like transgenderism and Fifty Shades of Grey, I’ve heard from women who are angry that I would present some sexual choices or lifestyles as morally wrong. Here is an example: Who are you to say that sleeping with...

Hablando a Tus Hijos Sobre el Sexo: Por qué, Cuándo, y Cómo

Hablando a Tus Hijos Sobre el Sexo: Por qué, Cuándo, y Cómo

Mi esposo recien habia regresado a la casa con nuestro hijo menor después de un fin de semana fuera para una charla sobre el sexo. Christian, con once años en ese momento, tímidamente me dijo, “Mamá, me siento demasiado joven para saber todas estas cosas sobre el...