Q&A: Why can’t I orgasm?

by | Jun 12, 2024

Q&A: Why can’t I orgasm?

Full Transcript

A lot of women are struggling with the concept of why can’t I orgasm? They may be able to enjoy sex, but they can’t experience a climax, and they wonder why that is.

So, first of all, let me just say that sex isn’t primarily about climaxing, it’s about intimacy. And so a couple who’s walking through this together can experience a lot of frustration and blaming, but it’s somewhat normal for women to struggle with this because their bodies and their brains are very complicated related to sexuality. So first of all, I would tell you it’s important to take the pressure off for both the husband and the wife, not to make it all about that one event, but to make it about the journey.

Second of all, you might look into meeting with a sex therapist or somebody who can help you uncover if there might be an underlying emotional issue. For example, a lot of women feel shame about their sexuality, or maybe you have a more type-a controlling personality, and it scares you to relax or to let go. Those can be some of the underlying issues, as well as things like sexual trauma, that makes sex feel very unsafe, even at a neurological level. So you might want to seek that kind of expertise, but also, again, remember that it’s about the journey of building safety and trust with one another and learning to enjoy each other, whether or not climax is happening on a regular basis.