Q&A: We have sex regularly, but my husband never seems satisfied. What do I do?
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Full Transcript
One woman asked me, hey Juli my husband and I have sex often but it seems like he’s never satisfied. What do I do?
Yeah, I think first of all recognizing that you and your husband just have different sexual appetites. And for some people, men or women, sex may be a very important part of how they feel loved, how they show expression. Some of it is even dependent on hormone levels like testosterone and so it’s not unusual for an individual to feel like they want to have sex every day. That’s not weird within marriage. It might just be a huge discrepancy between where you are and where your spouse is; you might feel like hey if we had sex once a week or once every other week, I’m fine. But there’s this huge discrepancy between me and my spouse, and so some of it is really talk to your husband about: what does it mean for you to be sexually satisfied? Is it all about how often we have sex? How do we work on intimacy even without having sex, A way that makes you feel connected to me sexually?
The other thing that I would mention, and I’m going to say this with a caveat that is not true in every situation where a husband doesn’t seem satisfied, but there could be something going on like a sexual addiction. You know with a sexual addiction someone learns to deal with stress depression insecurity through a sexual release because they’re actually our brain chemicals that are released that provide relief from anxiety or sadness and depression. And so if you’re married to someone who learned to deal with difficult feelings through sexual outlets, maybe through pornography or masturbation. They may just be bringing that pattern into marriage, and even though your sexual intimacy is a good thing is blessed by God, it doesn’t mean that it’s always a healthy thing. And so some of this might be asking a question is consistent sexual activity once a day or more than once a day feeding a compulsion that really is an underlying issue that needs to be addressed, and if you think that’s the case, I really advise you to talk to a Christian counselor who understands sexual addiction and they’ll be able to help you tease that out.