Q&A: How do I talk to my spouse about sex?

by | Jul 10, 2024

Q&A: How do I talk to my spouse about sex?



Full Transcript

Some people would ask, “How do I talk to my spouse about sex?”, which is really an interesting conversation because you’re engaging sexually, but you don’t know how to talk about it. And actually that’s pretty common. Why is that?

Well, often we just don’t have role models or even know–what language do you use when talking to each other about sex? We’ve got to realize that sexual issues are very emotionally-laden. They can really trigger feelings of shame, feelings of insecurity. They can bring up a lot of conflict. And so maybe you’ve tried to talk to your spouse about sex and that’s just ended up in a huge disagreement or misunderstanding or conflict, and you’re like, I don’t wanna do that again. But it’s really important to build that communication around your sexual relationship in order for you to understand one another and to overcome those kinds of conflicts that often happen between a husband and wife related to sexuality.

So here’s a good first step. Let somebody else be the expert. And the way that my husband and I even did this early in our marriage is we would find a good book that was really helpful on sexuality from a Christian perspective and read that to one another out loud. Now why is that so helpful? Because it lets you use somebody else’s words in saying something that might feel very vulnerable for you to actually speak out loud personally. It gives you the language then to start having conversations even outside of that resource. So you can start with a good book.

You could start with listening to a podcast or going to a conference that’s talking about sexuality. But using an outside resource really gives you permission and gives you a model of how do you begin to talk about sexuality? And let me just say, it doesn’t make it less vulnerable. You do wanna have a high degree of sensitivity, a lot of listening to each other, understanding that you’re probably not gonna see things from your spouse’s perspective. And that’s part of what it means to love each other well. But don’t neglect talking about sex just because it’s difficult to do so.