Prefer to listen? Listen to the episode here.
Their love story made headlines—but not for the reasons you might expect.
In this conversation, CD and Melody Fabien share a completely different vision for dating—one rooted in purpose, boundaries, and hearing God’s voice.
If you’re tired of hook-ups, ghosting, and the pressure of fast-paced dating, this episode is for you.
Juli (00:01.934)
Hey friend, welcome to another episode of Java with Juli. This podcast is a production of Authentic Intimacy, which is a ministry that helps people make sense of God and sexuality. My guests today are Melody and CD Fabian, and their story is one of the most unusual and powerful love stories I think I’ve ever heard. Years ago, they actually made the headlines because their first kiss didn’t happen until their wedding day. Yep, their first kiss actually made the news.
But that’s not really the story. The real story is what God did in each of them long before they ever even met. And today they share about how God set them apart, how he eventually brought them together and what they’ve learned about dating, sexual integrity, and learning to hear God’s voice along the way. Now, if you’ve ever felt confused, discouraged, or exhausted by modern dating, or if you’re wondering whether God really cares about your love life, hey, this conversation is for you.
Juli
Now, before we hear CD and Melody’s story, I want to let you know about our brand new Hot Topic Kit called Healthy Dating & Boundaries. We took the best of our content on dating throughout the years and pulled it together in one place. You’ll find research, teaching, blogs, videos, and curated clips from Java with Juli to help you understand the challenges of modern dating, to realign your heart with God’s design, and to help you pursue relationships that honor Him and others. If you’re an Authentic Intimacy member, this kit is already free in your membership. But if not, you can get yours today for just $15. Look for that link in our show notes or head to authenticintimacy.com.
Okay, grab your coffee, lean in, and let’s head to the coffee shop for my conversation with C.D. and Melody Fabian.
Juli (01:54.638)
CD and Melody, thank you so much for joining me for Java with Juli. I’m really looking forward to our conversation together.
Melody
Us too, we’re so happy to be here.
CD (02:01.043)
Thank you for having us. Yeah
Juli (02:03.826)
Yeah, I don’t know if you remember, but we met like a few years ago at a family life event. Do you remember that?
Melody
Yes, yes, WTR training, such a good session.
Juli (02:17.894)
And all I remember is I remember you guys introducing yourselves and you told me like a little bit of your story about like how your first kiss made the news like pretty crazy, like national news kind of thing. And boy, I’m really looking forward to getting into dating and dating discipleship and some of the things that I know you have to share with our listeners today. But I think a great place to start is tell me your story. mean, how in the world did your first kiss make the news?
Melody (02:53.486)
Yes, so just to give a little bit of our story, when I was 20, I was in a relationship with this godly man in college, thought he was the one, but after some things the Lord confirmed he’s not it. And I was just at such a desperate, broken place of heartache and said, God, whatever you want, I want to do your will. And he said, I want you to be single for seven years. And I was like, okay, that’s not, that’s the devil.
Juli
Oh my goodness.
Melody
Clearly God would not have wanted that. I’m like, who does that? That’s crazy, you know? And I tried to ignore it for weeks and it wouldn’t stop. And I, you know, I just know when God is impressing something on my heart. So I was like, okay, let me just kind of run this by my spiritual leaders in my life. And all of them were like, you know, Melody, I just feel like God’s something really special with you. And I’m like, no, I don’t want it. Pick somebody else, you know?
But long story short, I said yes. And so in those seven years, God just did so much in me. But on the sixth year of the seventh year of my commitment, I go on a mission trip to Uganda, Africa, and we were speaking on healthy relationships, purity, abstinence. And my husband, now husband, was there speaking and he was sharing his testimony as well. And he said, you know, six years ago, I got saved. And so…you know, as girls, we have these thoughts, you know, and I’m like, that’s crazy. Like my brain started and I’m like, calm down, Melody. That’s not your husband. Stop it. You know? But there was just so many things about him, his heart, his love for Christ, his character that I had prayed for. And so I’m like,
CD (04:33.896)
Not my looks. I’m kidding.
Juli (04:38.382)
She didn’t say that.
CD
Those are the good things to be praying for obviously, for sure. I’m just joking.
Melody (04:46.144)
And my husband had a different story, you know what I mean? Like I’m over here speaking, a girl from the hood of Chicago, saved, pulled apart from, you know, everybody in my family had like teen pregnancy, but Christ just took me in different direction. So I’m speaking from that perspective, God really keeping me still a virgin at 26. And then he’s sharing his story of God keeping him in a different way.
CD (05:13.314)
Yeah, I like to say that Melody’s story is like a one of preservation and just the hand of God on her life in the midst of all of this negative influence and she’s just sticking out, right? And my story is more of one of like transformation where I had succumbed to my environment big time while in college, I joined a fraternity, I was, you know, in the party scene a lot and my senior year I had a radical encounter with God. A friend had brought me to church and I just started learning the gospel in a more new and fresh way. I was raised in the church, but when I got off to college, I fell off pretty bad. And so now I’m studying the word for myself and I’m reading things like Matthew 5:27. If anyone among you, you’ve heard it said, you should not even, you know, commit adultery, of course, but if you so much even look at a woman with lust in your heart, you’ve already committed adultery. And I was just like, oh my God, like really?
And just these high standards of Jesus, but then I’m understanding the grace that only he can supply. And I had this encounter with God in my room and I just surrendered. fell to the floor and I said, Jesus, have your way with me. And immediately this transformation started to happen in my soul. And I had a high passion for evangelism and people just noticed it. People just noticed that I was different. So fast forward these six years and here’s Melody saying that, the Lord had in my eyes, right, in my ears, set her apart the same year, right, with the seven-year vow, the same year that I got saved. It was almost as if God was saying, I set her apart just for you, but I needed like seven years of your life to clean you up, brother. So let’s get ready.
Juli (06:58.478)
Yeah, well, yeah, let me ask, like, what were those seven years like? I guess it was six years. You’ll tell us about the seventh year, but what was that like for each of you? Like, Melody, did you have guys ask you out that you just were like, nope? And then C.D., like, were you dating during that time or did you feel like guy called you not to date as well?
Melody (07:21.998)
Yeah, for me, it was really difficult because I was super boy crazy, thought every guy was the one in my head. And then if I’d see them with a girl, I’m like, oh, breaking up with you in my head, you know. And so it was good for me. I really feel like God saved me a lot of heartache. I probably would have dated too many men that weren’t the one. But during that time, men were like, oh, you know, let’s get lunch or breakfast or whatever. And I’d be like, okay, cool, but I’m just letting you know I have this commitment that I’m not dating for seven years. And they’re like, wait, what? And they’re like, could you break this thing that you’re doing? And that would clearly show me like, okay, you ain’t the one.
But it was good. It was a good filter. It was good for me. I had to learn to really love the Lord in my waiting. I had to learn to be satisfied in Him. I would be crying on a Saturday night, worshiping the Lord, reading my word, be like, I’m so lame, you know, like, I should be out doing something. And it was just like this trust that I had to build. And my mom was not serving the Lord at the time. So she would come in the room, see me crying, like, what is, girl, go out, you know, go get a man. Like, why are you crying in your room? You know, and I’m like, I know, thank God, you know, it was so hard.
Melody
So like the first four years I tell women was so hard. Like the first three and half and that fourth year, I remember a mindset shift that I was like, I cannot be these seven years like depressed. Like I need to like get a different mindset. And that’s when I was like, singleness is a gift from the Lord. I’ve got to shift my mindset. And so I started to really pray for a new mindset and God gave me a really godly friend. So I talk about community is so important. Isolation really messes us up. And I found this godly friend who she was like on mission for the Lord and single, and we would just do stuff for God, it was so fun. And then my dad had me get a journal and he said, I want you to start praying specifically for your husband, because if you don’t know what you want and you don’t know who you are, you’re not gonna know when he comes. And so I started to pray specifically for my husband. And so, yeah, so there were guys I met–in the journal–and there were guys I met that I thought, is he the one? And my dad, I would process it with him. And I’d be like, I think this guy likes me. And he’s like, he doesn’t like you. And I’m like, how do you know that, Dad? You don’t know that. And he’s like, because he has not told you, you know? And so my dad would be like, when a man likes you, he’s going to tell you, he’s going to share his intentions with you. And I’m like, they don’t make those men anymore. You know, and I’m like crying and stuff. But he’s like, no, you’re going to pray. We’re going to pray for an intentional man. So.
That was a bit of my six years. I would say the last three were solid. I felt like I had a good focus. I did have guys I thought maybe were the one. But I learned I was not going to just declare to some dude, hey, you want to wait for me for three years? And then I meet C.D. and I’ll share that part of how intentional he was. But how was your six years babe?
CD (10:32.682)
Yeah, it’s really interesting because you started off in this journey with this number seven and God was not as kind to me. I had no number. But to your question, Juli, like was I dating or anything like that? I was not dating actually. When I got saved, I kind of had a slow maturity. I had fallen a few times with girls that I had met and potential possible dating “situationships” that just never really panned out, and the Lord really had to kind of clean me up and through the scriptures I would read things like Ephesians 5:3 but among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality and I started understanding that the standard a little bit better and I prayed I said Holy Spirit I really need you to give me the strength to walk this out the way that I’m reading because in and of myself I really can’t do that another one first Peter 1:13-16 says be holy for I am holy as their children. And I remember thinking, praying and saying, God, how do you want me to be holy? And the thought crossed my mind, save your next kiss for your wedding day. So it was like, not only am I pulling back from sexual activity and choosing to walk a holy, celibate life with God and just waiting, but now he’s taking me to the next level. Like I’m not even going to kiss another girl until they get married. And then I should protect that by not finding myself alone.
So another thing that Melody shared that matches with mine is those last three and a half years or so, she was more mission focused with her friend and they were doing things for God. That really helped me as well. I was very involved in my church. I was what you call an armor bearer and I was serving my pastor pretty closely. And we had a lot of different activities that we were doing in the church and in the community. I was a part of an organization that actually the organization Melody and I met by it’s called Breakdown. My friend, dear friend, Amy in Arizona, she had this idea. I was the first person she told about it. And then I accidentally named it Breakdown, which is a fun story. And we were breaking down society’s lies about sex, love and relationships through the performing arts. So now we’re going into schools and we’re holding these big rallies and, you know, gatherings for the kids and we were doing dramas and dancing.
CD (12:59.648)
I was, as I was getting older, I became more and more of like a pastoral figure to these high school, young adult kids, even though I was just barely a few years older. So by the time I met Melody, I had been on like focus. So going back from my salvation about two years in is when I made that decision. I’m not even gonna kiss another girl till they get married. And I didn’t date because I just didn’t feel that there were pretty ladies and there were girls who I thought were interesting, but the Holy Spirit had taught me that I needed to protect their heart even from myself. That’s when the Lord started teaching me about intentionality and I just could feel it. I could just sense it. I can’t explain it. But when I went out to Uganda, Africa and I met Melody, there was that pull and I go, this is the one I’m going to pursue. And I could tell you that story, but, no, I didn’t date about after two years from salvation hadn’t kissed another girl and saved that. So by the time I met her, wasn’t dating, hadn’t kissed and had been saving sex for about five years at that point.
Juli (13:58.19)
Can I ask you, CD, I know this is a vulnerable question, but a lot of guys struggle with pornography. Was that something that was ever a struggle for you?
CD (14:08.47)
Yeah. Yeah. Thanks for asking that. Man, this culture today, by God’s grace, I did not have a walking computer with me everywhere I went. So this is, know, the late 90s. Yeah. And so I didn’t have cable access. I could have gone to like a laptop or computer or something like that. By God’s grace, those things were in public places at first. And then the laptop, I did have a certain level of restraint from that.
But my roommate, the year I got saved, had kind of like a collection of pornography. So I had to move out. And the Lord just taught me quick obedience. I’m not saying this was always the case and easy, but I remember a time where I was visiting a relative of mine and I stumbled upon a DVD of theirs. And without even thinking, Juli, I snapped it. I just broke it in half.
Juli (15:01.185)
Wow.
CD (15:04.278)
I put it in a trash bag and sent it down to the trash chute. But no, I did wrestle when I came across people who had access to those things and it was up late at night and then I would feel horrible. But by God’s grace, because in due time I was removed from a lot of that immediate access. By the time cell phones came around on that access level, I had built a certain level of self-care.
Juli (15:27.286)
Yeah, boy, yeah. And as you’re mentioning, people that are growing up with the cell phones from the beginning, that struggle so much greater. You know, you both mentioned this and I think it’s important to pull this out. You know, there’s a sense to which we can hear your story and say, what an amazing love story, you know, like God chose them for each other. And yes, that’s true, but that’s not the greatest story, the great story is how God set you each apart for Himself.
Melody
Mhmm, yes.
Juli
And there’s a book that I read probably like maybe 10 years ago that really impacted me. It’s called, “They Found the Secret”. And it’s the story of like all these great men and women of history who had a second experience with God where they were set apart. Like they had already been converted. But just like you each described, and everybody’s story was different, but there was this asking of the Holy Spirit, like, will you be set apart from me? And when you say yes to that, it’s a battle. But wow, I mean, that’s where life is lived. I don’t want that to get lost because the takeaway isn’t here. If you do it the way C.D. and Melody did, you’re gonna have this beautiful romantic story. But I don’t know if you guys want to respond to that or not.
Melody (16:55.19)
Yeah, we each had that kind of moment because like when my dad said, you know, get a journal and start praying for your future husband. And I said, what if I write this journal and then in three, you know, my seventh year, there’s no man, you know? And he’s like, well, you give it to you, give it to Jesus when he returns, you know. And my dad and I had this comedic kind of relationship, but it was real. I was like, you know what, man, I’m set apart for Christ. I love God. You know what I mean? And so it’s whatever. It’s about Him in the long run, I want to be married. I want to have sex. But Jesus is number one, period. No cap. Like, that’s it, you know? And so that was sort of my sacrifice of laying down, like, if I never get married, I’ll still serve you, Lord, you know? And I didn’t want it to be depressing. I’m like, I’m still going to travel. I’m still going to do what I got to do, you know, while still holding the tension of faith to believe for a husband.
CD (17:54.91)
Yeah, so chiming in that’s I’m so glad you highlighted that Juli because you know, sometimes people will ask me, you know Why did I choose not to kiss until we got married, and the idea would be because you know maybe I didn’t want to start something that I couldn’t finished and though there’s some truth or element to that the reason why I made that decision is because Jesus asked me to. And that was not easy. I, I wrestled every single time God kept increasing that what I felt like was a boundary. It was a boundary, but it was infuriating and I remember the most infuriating one was I got up one morning to pray and I was just complaining because a lot of my friends were getting married. And I was just like God everybody’s getting married and you know, I’ve been waiting I’ve been I’ve been faithful I’ve been serving, like where’s my wife? And I kid you not the Holy Spirit just kind of placed in my heart like you’re making me jealous and I’m like how in the world am I making you jealous? You’re always talking about what you don’t have, especially in the form of a woman. Am I not enough? And it was the hardest question I ever heard. Am I not enough? And it was so hard. I was like, I don’t even want to answer this question. Of course you are. And I, stopped praying and for four days, Juli, every time I would go to pray, he’s like, no, I need to know that I’m enough. And on that fourth day I wept bitterly and I said, if you don’t want me to get married, if this is some sort of way in which you have separated me wholly unto yourself, like completely unto yourself, then fine, like it’s whatever.
And then I said, fine, I completely give it up. I’ll just be like Paul. And I developed a mindset shift. I said, I’m going to be like Paul. I’m going to just go hard for the gospel, go hard for Jesus. And I’ll just, you know, do that for the rest of my life. And then he said, okay, good. I got your heart. And I pretty much gave up my right to be married unless Jesus were to say so. So the reason why I knew melody was the one is because God invited me in this conversation with him and I said to him well how will I know if you’re presenting someone to me, because I feel like I’m outgoing I could talk to anybody like how would I know it’s her? And the idea was that if I without trying three times in a row would find this young lady presented before me as if there’s opportunity there then that’s your idea.
CD (20:22.83)
And all the other ladies that I thought were interesting, I put it before the Lord. I said, okay, I’ll push it away. They never came back around. So I was like, okay, cool. With her three different times on that mission trip in Uganda, Africa, we would have these moments. And three different times at night, I would pray and say, God, this woman is distracting me. I’m here to serve. I’m not here for a wife. Put her away. And literally on that second night, he put her away and I had an assignment on the north side of town. She had an assignment on the south side of town.
And we were away from each other for the whole day. It was amazing. But that night we came back together and we had to have a little conversation, catch up. And I was knelt down by the table and was like, leaders, we were talking and I just froze. And she said, are you okay? And I said, oh my God, you’re so beautiful.
Juli
Oh no.
CD
And she was like,, excuse me.
Juli (21:08.329)
You said that. What? Wow.
CD (21:10.286)
I wasn’t even trying Juli it just escaped out of my mouth. I just was like looking at her, mid-sentence, just said, you’re so beautiful, and she said what, what did you just say? And I said did I just say that aloud right now? And I ran away I ran away, at that third night. I’m praying to God. I said God I can’t believe I just said that I lost all my games. I can’t even talk to girls properly anymore I don’t know what to do and he said don’t you remember you said three times.
And said, oh my God, I forgot. from that following day forward, was intentional to pursue relationship with her. But to your point, I was set apart and he set me apart and he set Melody apart and we found the secret. I love the name of that book. They found the secret. I love it. Peace in Jesus Christ alone.
Juli (22:01.143)
What a story. Okay, so what happened after the you’re beautiful comment you lost your…
CD (22:09.134)
Like, you know, I’m like, we are leaders here. This dude’s flirting with me. And I’m like, well, tell me more about CD, you know, because I got one year left, you know. They’re like, he’s so great. He’s so awesome. He’s been single. He’s pure. He walks in purity. He honors God. But my best friend and I, we’ll be honest, and I teach you to the women, we were super vain. And so she’s like, he’s cute, but he’s not like, make you want to faint. And this is the stuff that girls say, okay? Yeah, and so I’m like battling my flesh and my spirit. My spirit is like, he’s so great. He’s cute. He’s awesome. All these character qualities. But I don’t know. I don’t know. But CD pursued me. He said, Hey, I’d love to get your number. I’d love to get to know you better. I said, Awesome. We can talk. We can be friends.
But then I got tricked by the enemy. There was this man at this restaurant at the last day of the mission trip who was so handsome, Juli. He looked like a model. He looked like this gorgeous man. I take a picture of myself, but I’m really taking a picture of the man. I zoom it in, I crop it. It’s terrible. And I was with my girls like, oh my God, that’s the kind of man the Lord’s gonna send me. All this stuff.
Juli (23:25.134)
Yeah.
Melody (23:27.402)
And CD later he grabs my phone because we had taken a picture he grabs my camera and he goes hey I want to see the picture we took and I’m like give me my camera give me my camera because I’m like he’s about to see
CD (23:39.342)
because i’m scanning through the other photo my goodness we had cameras back then they have
Melody (23:44.61)
Cameras, cameras. And he sees the guy zoomed in.
CD (23:50.318)
Zoomed in everything and it was hilarious, I was just like wow you straight took a picture of this guy that’s whole nother like you know if I did that that’d be stalkerish problem yes the lady does that it’s okay and she was like so what he’s good looking da da da da I was like and it was good it was good it was good to see that like you know we’re not perfect.
Juli (24:13.054)
You can be set apart and still battle the flesh.
Melody (24:17.752)
Still battle of flesh. So cool story is I get home, I’m having dinner with my dad. He’s super prophetic prayer man, man of prayer. He says, I heard the Lord say to me to tell you, take the Kodak picture of what you think your husband should look like out of your mind, lest you miss what God has for you.
Juli (24:39.118)
Wow. Wow. And he had no idea about that picture.
Melody (24:43.814)
No, Juli was so bad, I printed the picture, you know, back in the day when we used to print pictures. And I’m like, the Lord checked me and I said, God forgive me. I have met an amazing man and I’m all being in my flesh, in my vanity. If this is something, then I’m going to honor it. And so I said, Dad, I met this great guy in Uganda. He is handsome. He’s a good guy, but I feel like I was battling my own vanity. And he said, well, if this is the Lord, the Lord will confirm. And so we’re writing us a book about just our journey of how God confirmed it. We fast forward. It’s now getting to know CD. He shared his intentions with me. He’s like, hey, I know you have a year left of your vow. And in no way do I want to disrupt what you’re doing for God, because I think it’s so beautiful. He’s the only man that ever said that. He said, would it be OK if we would just be friends for a year and then see where this goes, because I really see a future with you and I feel like we would be a great team? Now, what he didn’t know is in my prayer journal for my husband, I had wrote so many times, God, I pray me and my husband be a great team. And so I’m like on the phone, like, you know, holding it all in because I had read, be a woman of discretion. And so I’m like, well, thank you. You’ve shared some things that are really, really great. Yeah, we’ll be friends, you know, but inside I’m like.
Juli (26:11.34)
So were you guys living in the same state at that point or was this a long distance?
CD (26:17.652)
No, no, I was living in Arizona. Our trip to Uganda was with my local team and my youth and directors from different cities, including Chicago. So when we got back into town, I was reaching out to her from Arizona when she was in Chicago. And I just was trying to pursue what I felt like the Lord had placed in my heart. So said, you know, she’s got a whole year. Let’s just be friends. Let’s connect. Let’s be intentional. Let’s see what the Lord does. Maybe there’s something in the future there. And so when I shared my intentions for that year, it was great, it was wonderful, but Melody was really discreet and it was a good thing, but I couldn’t really get a grasp sometimes on how interested or not she might be.
So quick story, we had a lot of fun, exciting things that happened in that year, but just one of them, I went to go see the movie, The Nativity Story that year in 2006. Great, great movie. They really honed in on like the humanity, the struggle, Joseph’s circumstance and situation. But they had this way of showing how like the wise men were guided and seeing it on screen. It’s one thing to read, it’s another thing to kind of imagine and see it in certain detail. And I was just floored, like the spirit of God just came over me and I went ran into the restroom and just wept and worshiped God. And I could hear a thought just really rise in my mind. And it was like, if I know where to find my son in the midst of obscurity, I know where to find you too.
CD
And I said, wow. And he says, I put a young lady in your heart and she’s got this vow and I want you to help her finish. And then we’ll see what happens after that. And so I’m like kind of taking note of all these things that I’m excited about it. And I said, let me call it. Let me tell her these things. So, and maybe that was a little brash on my part, but I called her and I just began to say, I just saw this movie and the Lord spoke to me and he spoke to me about you too.
Melody (28:08.91)
Yeah, so now on my end, I’m directing an abstinence program. I have like nine staff. I’m doing all this stuff and I’m praying about, you know, CD, is this my husband? Like, what kind of job is my husband going to have? And like the calling on our life and do our callings match? And I’m just praying about calling because I could sense the Lord really saying, you know, you’ve been speaking on purity, you’ve been speaking at churches on singleness, but one day you will speak to marriages. And I’m like, what? I’m going to speak to marriages one day, so I’m writing all this down. And I’m what kind of man am I going to have? And the Lord says, I will send you a Joseph. And I’m like, Joseph, color-coat Joseph or Mary Joseph? Like, which Joseph we talk about? And he’s like putting on my heart to study Mary’s Joseph. So I’m studying Joseph. I’m like, oh, he’s a man of integrity. He’s kind of behind the scenes, but he has such a great call. He’s gonna father, Jesus. You know, it’s like, she’s like, got this huge calling on her life, but he understands the calling on her life and he joins her like, I’m gonna cover this, I’m gonna father it. And so the Lord’s like, you have a lot of ideas in your heart, Melody, and I’m gonna send you a man that will father your visions. And I’m like, that’s so beautiful. So I’m like writing all this down. That night, CD calls me and he’s like, yeah, I was watching Joseph and Mary, this movie. And I’m like, wow.
Juli
Wow.
CD (29:33.866)
Yeah, and I didn’t know that she was having this wrestle or that she was even doing that morning Bible study that so so when I mentioned that
Juli (29:42.38)
No, mean, it just is, listening to your story. Such a big part of it for both of you is that you were hearing from the Lord. And I would say for… Yes. Yeah. I mean, I would say for a lot of people right now, you’re telling the story as if that’s normal. But for a lot of people, that’s like, man, I think maybe I heard from the Lord maybe twice in my whole life. So how do I get to the place where, whether I’m single and I’m in this dating kind of quagmire, or even I’m married where like God speaks to me that clearly because you’re like telling story after story about how God communicated so specifically to you.
Melody (30:26.901)
Mm-hmm.
CD (30:27.798)
Yeah, I would say to start in my experience and what I read from the scriptures is to know the Word backward and forward, because when the Holy Spirit guides and impresses and speaks, it’s not going to violate the Word or the principle or like the way of God in the scriptures. So familiarity with who God is, how God has moved and spoken in the past, is going to be the bedrock for discerning what God is saying to us now today. And then we tested it. We were never in our own echo chamber. For an example, Melody shared that when she felt like God was calling her to seven years, seven years, 20 years old and feeling like God is calling her to seven years to be single, she had submitted that to four spiritual leaders, one including her father. So we’re not in like our own la la land like God said and my God. it’s grounded. It’s grounded, but it is supernatural, but it’s grounded. Myself, when I felt like Jesus was really showing me Melody, the Lord had talked to me a lot about authority in the past. So I even shared it with some individuals who, like I shared it with my pastor and my youth pastor that I served in the youth under, but I also shared it to my supervisor who was a Christian and then our director for the program who was not a Christian. And I shared it to my father who is nominal. And they all were like aligned in giving me directive and advice on how to pursue. So those would be like two big things. And I know you want to say something about that, but for me, it’s like I’m grounded in the word and I’m regular submitting what I’m hearing or being oppressed by two others.
Melody (32:20.266)
Yeah, I think, you as your listeners and what you do, Juli, I love is you disciple people. It’s like, I love John. I eat John 14, 15 and 16. And the Lord has sent us a helper, the Holy Spirit. And because our churches are scared of the Holy Spirit, I feel like we don’t tap into really learning about the Holy Spirit. You know, like he is our helper, brings, the word says, I will bring to remembrance things that you have read. So I tell people we disciple, like, first of all, you need to be in your word, because the Holy Spirit can’t bring up nothing if you ain’t got nothing, right? You’re just on John 3:16. That’s all the Holy Spirit can work with, right? I’m like, either you’re going to have a glass of water of the Word or a pool or a lake, right? The more you get in the word and know Him, the more the Holy Spirit can pull from that reservoir, right? But at the same time, if we really understand the Holy Spirit, Francis Chan has a great book about the Holy Spirit…
CD
The Forgotten God.
Melody
Like, read books, solid teachers about the Holy Spirit to really invite Holy Spirit, I wanna know you, know? Fill me, fill me up. You know, there’s teachings that will say, you’re already filled, you don’t need to do that. You know, you don’t need to pray as much because he already knows we have to be so careful. Yeah. Quench the Holy Spirit.
CD (33:47.342)
We do, yeah. If the scriptures and Acts shared on several different occasions where Peter was filled with the Holy Spirit, then why would we expect anything less than us? He was filled at the day of Pentecost, then he was filled again when he spoke to the Sanhedrin, and then he was filled again when he had like trances or directive by God. So anyway, to your question, the word submitted to others, we pay other attentions to like circumstances. Did the door actually open? But man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes forth from the mouth of God. We do our best to do that.
Juli (34:25.674)
And so some of it is being expectant that God does lead. So it’s, I think we start with the assumption that He doesn’t speak. And when I begin with, God, know you are my good shepherd and you do want to lead me and you do want me to know your will, help me to have ears to hear, help me to see. And both of you were going into this with that expectation, which I think is a game changer.
Melody (34:53.302)
Yeah, absolutely.
CD (34:54.668)
And humility to be wrong. We’re not saying either that like we’re flawless in our discernment, which is why we test things. Another thing is quick obedience. And I can’t say I’ve always been quick to obey. Sometimes I’ve been years to follow, which has been to my detriment. But the more you obey and you see the fruit, the more familiar it gets. And then you start to kind of follow that example.
Melody (35:23.458)
So at that moment on the phone, CD’s like, yeah, I just saw this movie about Joseph and I’m going, really? Right? I’m staying calm, but inside I am dying again. And he says, you know, you have a really strong call in your life, Melody, you know, and I really think you should finish this vow. And I’m not trying to be weird, but I feel like God wants me to be like a Joseph to you in this season to really help you finish. I’m like, I’m about to throw my cell phone. I’m like, what did you just say? But I had just studied about Mary just, you know, holding these things in her heart, treasuring these things. I just feel the Lord like, don’t say nothing.
Juli (36:09.902)
Wow.
Melody
And I’m like, you know, I appreciate you sharing that with me.
Juli (36:14.474)
I don’t think I would have had that level of self control honestly. think I would have been like, what? Like you’re the one.
Melody (36:24.832)
Yeah, exactly. I hang up Juli and I go text my best friend, “another God moment with CD”, and I sent it to him by accident.
Juli (36:33.74)
Did you really?
CD (36:34.65)
That’s right. That’s right. Juli, you got to understand. Here I am sharing this profound revelation that God wants me to be somewhat like the Joseph to kind of help carry her through to the finish line like Mary did with the baby Jesus, know, principle, not the same thing, right? And all Melody has to give back to me is, well, you’ve answered a few questions that I’ve had right now.
Melody (37:03.547)
I said you’ve confirmed some of things.
CD (37:06.382)
You’ve confirmed a few things right now, but I have to go. It great talking to you. Goodbye. And that was it. And I’m sitting on the phone on the other line like, oh my God, I just said, I just up
Juli (37:14.584)
I just put myself out there.
CD
I put myself out there. My face is on the floor. She’s not feeling me that way. Here I am about to wallow. And then I get the, and there’s my cell phone alert and I see, and it says, Mari Ness, another guy. Madi is her friend. And I’m sitting there quietly.
Juli (37:34.03)
God just gave you a little wink, like I got your back.
CD (37:37.442)
Just a little wink, like it’s okay. And I’m telling you by God’s grace, have a number of.
Melody (37:42.209)
A lot of those.
But you know, fast forward by the time, you know, Melody’s commitment was coming to an end, you know, like I mentioned my boss and the director, like my office started to know believers and non-believers alike, this story that was developing and growing. They were excited for me. I got an opportunity to work with her company because we were in the same line of work for this after prom program that she was doing called prom with no regrets and they had rented a big boat and they had an after-prime party. It was really fun. And they said, you can go and work and take notes and be in their office. And so I went to Chicago for my very first time for a week and got paid. Wow. During the week that her commitment came to an end.
Juli (38:23.916)
Now that’s favor. Wow.
CD
It came, I mean, that’s the Lord. And when it came to an end, and while I was there, I had gotten the blessing from her father and her pastor to pursue beyond just friends. And so when I presented it to her, she was like, wait, you spoke to my pastor already? You spoke to my dad? Like, you can… I was having meetings. I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And so she was interested. We said, we’ll continue. But they all gave me the parameter, again, submitting to authorities. Don’t start your dating relationship until you move to Chicago.
Melody (38:58.19)
That was so hard. Because I’m I’m grown, I’m 27, Pastor can’t tell me to, you know, he didn’t say you can’t, he just said my advice is that you guys start officially dating once you move out.
CD (39:00.61)
Yeah. And her dad said similar, and so I looked for a job and an apartment. Six months later, we made the move up, and at a party I asked her to be my girl, and she said yes, and we were official.
Juli (39:24.718)
And I feel like, I we could, there’s so much more to your story with the kiss and all of it, but for time’s sake, I really want to get to just some practical things that you all have since developed what you call dating discipleship, which is similar to what we do at Authentic Intimacy, which is sexual discipleship. So I love that terminology, but I don’t know that there’s an area of Christian life that is more confusing than dating. I think even with sexuality, I think we at least sort of know where true north is and what the Bible says, but because there wasn’t dating in the Bible, it’s a free-for-all. And as you guys even shared through some of your story, there’s so many train wrecks of hearts broken and just people are afraid, they’re gun shy, they don’t know how to do it.
And so I would love for you just out of your own story, but also the things that you’ve learned in ministry, what are some of the basics that Christians need to know and abide by in dating well?
CD (40:38.38)
Yeah, if I were to start with the men, I think two things would highlight for me the most. I didn’t personally get a real sense of what to do with pursuing a young lady until I understood how to pursue Jesus Christ. As you mentioned earlier, the way that he had set me apart. And so in that pursuit, God really strengthened my spiritual identity and purpose.
So one of the first few things that I would share with men is like, you can’t lead anybody unless you’re following somebody. You have to first and we follow Jesus Christ. So as men, if we’re going to pursue a woman and we’re somewhat old school in the sense that like, we believe that the man should be the leader. And then the question is, well, what is he leading them into? Right? Pursuing who and what? So, I would first and foremost say that this passionate pursuit of Jesus Christ and His purposes for your life has to be first and foremost. It gives men that sense of identity and it gives men that sense of confidence that I’m not just trying to woo you because I think you’re cute. I have a purpose, I have a direction and do you want to join me or do our missions kind of sync? And so that’s the first thing I would say.
CD
The second thing I would say is walking with Jesus in love. He says, if you love me, you will obey me or you will keep my word in John 14:15. And so one of the things was pertains to dating relationships is maintain the boundaries. The men should be the ones maintaining the boundaries. I view that when women are maintaining boundaries, you know what that puts the position of the man to oftentimes it puts the position of the man to press up against the boundary. So you’re not leading your actually pressing into past the virtue and the value and the boundary that the woman is in her walk with God is trying to maintain. Well, if you want to lead in that, you have to be the one to set that standard. And my standard was obviously the Lord set me apart to not kiss another girl till I get married. I’m not telling everybody to do that. Please, you don’t have to do that. That’s something Jesus specifically told me to do.
But I would say to not find yourself alone. We were always in earshot and eyeshot of everyone and that’s hard. When I was 28, 29, 30 years old and getting to know Melody, that was just like, I’m an adult, I can do whatever want. But again, going back to, I love Jesus, it’s not just because of the practicalness of it or the pragmatism about it. It’s because I want to follow and obey Jesus. And the mindset was, I need to protect this woman even from myself. So I have to see myself as the one maintaining the boundaries and setting them. Now she might have higher standards, but then you choose to adhere to that in honor of her and then lead it. So those are two top things that I would say, pursue Jesus and his purposes that will increase your identity and confidence and then be the one to set and/or guard the boundaries. Now, obviously when you’re talking about sexual discipleship and things of that nature, that gets weird for some people when they start wanting to cross the boundary, but that’s where I want to say start and then we can talk some more about that.
Juli (44:05.098)
No, so good. Those are two great, great things that you fleshed out. would you speak? Yeah, what would you share with the women, Melody?
Melody (44:15.438)
You know, I think I go back to this like get to know people. feel like we either go from hookup culture or like purity, crazy culture where you don’t talk to anybody and he’s just going to appear. And I’m like, no, like it’s OK to get to know somebody. Even our daughter, she’s 16 and she was talking about it. Her friends are starting to date and she’s like, mom, why aren’t these girls just getting to know the guys? Because this is something we’ve been teaching her. Like, do you have a guy you think is cute? You can get to know him like, that’s not wrong that you like someone, you get to know them. Hey, let’s get to know each other. I think we jump into it being we’re boyfriend and girlfriend. And it’s like, hey, hey, I’m just getting to know you. I want to get to know you. And that’s what C.D. said. Hey, I know you got a year of vow. Let’s just get to know each other. And we had pace. So I talk about pace, purity, power, perspective. So Pace, he only called me. said, hey, because he started calling me every day. And I said, hey, C.D., you can’t call me every day. He’s like, OK, yeah, when is good for you? said, Tuesdays and Saturdays. And he’s like, cool. I’ll call you those days. And he called on those days and we talk about this culture. They’re on TikTok. They’re on the phone. They’re FaceTime-ing. They’re DM-ing. They’re sharing locations. I’m like, that’s too much. We got to leave mystery. We got to leave like, hey, I look forward to talking to you on Saturday. Yeah.
CD (45:31.616)
That’s too much.
CD (45:40.688)
and guard the heart.
Juli (45:41.806)
Like what gave you the wisdom to set that boundary melody? Like you waited seven years, it seems like God is confirming that this might be the guy. Why would you not want to talk to him every day? Like what was the check in your spirit?
Melody (45:56.014)
I knew that I had a year and I was liking him a lot and I was like, if I talk to him every day, I’m gonna be getting ready to get married in three months. So I knew I needed to pace myself because I knew, and that is another thing, we talk about awareness of yourself. My dad was real big on like, be sexually aware of yourself. If you feel aroused, stop doing whatever you’re doing. It’s not just sex, it’s arousal. So when people are like, what’s the line? Is it like we can touch each other above the neck? I’m like, no, it’s arousal. Like arousal is for sex and arousal is for marriage. And it’s a good thing that is supposed to progress to sexual intimacy. So me and CD, when we were dating, we said, hey, what’s going to be our line of since the line is arousal, what’s our like signal to each other so we don’t, it’s not weird. We’re like, hey, you’re turning me on. You know, like how do we say, hey, don’t do that. So he’s like, I’ll, I’ll just like open my eyes really wide.
CD (47:03.51)
No, I said I shake my head. I said I my head.
Melody (47:06.71)
Yeah, like I’ll shake my head like, do that. And then I said, OK, and I’ll give you like a gentle punch, you know, like on your shoulder so you know. So one time we’re at the theater, we’re eating popcorn, watching a movie. He puts his hand on my knee and he’s slightly caressing my knee. And I’m like, hmm, OK, I like that. Am I being aroused right now? You know, like awareness, right? And I’m like, yeah, that kind of feels a little too nice, you know?
So I give him a gentle punch on his arm and he’s like, sorry. And he stopped and he said, saving that for our marriage, you know? And so we would have this like, we’re saving it. Like it’s like interest building for the wedding, you know? And so there was just boundaries and it’s not like we’re not aware that we’re sexually aroused. It’s not that we’re not aware that we like each other. As we disciple and do premarital, I find it a problem when there’s no sexual tension and there’s no arousal and there’s no like, why that’s happening.
CD (48:09.198)
If you’re not desiring each other then there’s something wrong, something… It’s normal. We like to talk about it pretty openly. But because it’s beautiful and it’s love… See, our view isn’t so staunch, like you can’t do that, it’s wrong. Our view is like, it’s amazing! It’s exciting! God designed it for a reason! So protect it so it’s… The enemy wants to spoil it beforehand, and then he wants to spoil it after hand. So let’s… The boundaries are meant to preserve, so that it can be enjoyed wonderfully. It’s not just to keep you out. It’s a preservation.
Juli (48:38.678)
Yeah. And another thing that I notice you all talking about through your story is have other people involved in your relationship. You know, I think in American culture dating is you leave your friends, leave your family, you go off and you just have this little romantic adventure with the two of you and you two are supposed to figure it out. That’s not, yeah, that’s not what I hear in your story or your advice.
Melody (49:06.096)
No.
CD (49:06.318)
Even as you mentioned like there’s no dating in scriptures. What did they have? How did people that well they arranged everything and stuff and it was a lot more intentional from the very very jump but with Melody is saying go get to know people One of the things that we learned is we learned the statistics some time ago I need to find the source of it but like it takes three to six months of getting to know somebody on purpose before you actually begin to see who they really are.
Melody (49:32.311)
Even see who they are.
CD (49:35.694)
Yeah, even begin to see what they really are, right? And so when we consider dating, it’s like, there’s this discovery of who you are and you do that with people. You pay attention to how he interacts with other women, how she interacts with other guys, how they interact with their parents and their siblings, because you know, there’s church community and stuff, you know, and, after a while you’ll be able to tell if they’re just turning it off and turning it on or that’s just who they really are for better or for worse.
Juli (50:07.79)
And then also just having those other eyes on your relationship, know, like…
Melody (50:15.046)
Yes.
CD (50:15.918)
For the accountability.
Juli (50:17.312)
Well, as we wrap things up, and again, I feel like we could talk for another few hours just fleshing this stuff out. But that’s why you guys have resources. You’ve developed something specifically called Dating Discipleship where you coach couples. Can you share about that so people know how they can follow up with, if you’ve intrigued them. And again, friends, I don’t know if you’re in your 20s and you’re dating or if you’re in your 50s and you’re dating, like the things they’re sharing are for all Christ-followers. They’re not just for them. I’ve never been married. These are biblical principles. So I’d love for you to share about the coaching that you’re doing and how people can follow up.
Melody (51:02.23)
Yeah, so our website is cdandmelody.com. I like to say I’m the melody to his CD. That’s right. cdandmelody.com. We created Coaching with CD and Melody because we were doing premarital and marriage coaching, but then we started to see this. People were choosing premarital and then we coached them and they’re like, well, we’re not married yet. And I’m like, you’re dating. And so I was like, you know what, we’re going to create a new category called dating discipleship. And that gave people so much permission and freedom. Like, don’t have to know if this guy’s the one I could get counsel already. And because therapy and coaching is really invited in this generation, people are loving it. They’re like, oh my goodness, I can have six or eight sessions with you with this guy I’m getting to know and talk through all this stuff.
And we keep it real, biblical and honest and practical. And so we talk about boundaries. We talk about, you know, we’ve got couples that are like, we live together, but we sleep in separate rooms. And we’re like, okay, that’s just not wise.
CD (52:12.174)
And we tell them why, we walk them through. So the coaching they can find at the website and the dating discipleship. And then be on the lookout. We’re developing a guide based upon a lot of the conversations that we’re having with people, the dating discipleship guide. But you can already find a couple of guides as well. We do.
Melody (52:32.046)
We have two marriage guides.
CD
Yeah. One, Call them up, don’t call them out. And then the other.
Melody (52:38.776)
Prayers for your marriage, Baldy.
CD (52:39.95)
But the reason why I bring that up is because this new guy that’s coming out soon, it’ll answer some of those questions like in print. But the coaching is where we can have like the conversations because everybody’s story is a little bit different and there are some nuances. We had somebody call in and they were trying to figure out, know, they discern if this is the one and it was a similar story of somebody we walked through before and we were like, all right, here’s some things we want to present to you. These are some yellow flags you might want to process. Let us know what you think.
And they’re like, oh my God, I never even saw that. And we literally, and it’s not just us, we actually push people into their own communities. Like, have you spoken to your pastor? Do you have a pastor? Have you spoken to your mom and your dad or whoever is that authority figure in your life? So we try to equip, but we also try to resource.
Melody (53:29.006)
What? Right, because, so I was just going to say isolation weakens people’s conviction. Like if you’re in isolation, you’re just not going to have that conviction and community will strengthen your resolve for Christ, for purity, for whatever. Because you just start to like, yeah, let’s just how far and you loosen why you’re even doing it, the why. And so, yeah.
CD (53:53.1)
The power of sin is secrecy. We have a culture, like a subculture, it’s like keep it on the down low or, you know, we creep. And there’s this idea that I’m an adult and I just, I’m doing my own thing by myself. That doesn’t fly in the kingdom of God. He’s called us to be a people in a community on purpose. You know, how pleasant it is when the brothers dwell in unity, Psalm 133. So that’s something that we really encourage.
Juli (54:23.67)
As I listen to CD and Melody’s story, I can’t help but think that some of you who are listening right now, you’re carrying a lot of questions and even hurt around dating and relationships. I hope that what you’ve heard today shows you that God really does care about this part of your life.
So I’ll remind you about our brand new Hot Topic Kit, Healthy Dating and Boundaries. We’re gonna drop a link to that in our show notes. As a reminder, if you are an Authentic Intimacy member, it’s included in your membership, but otherwise you can buy today for just $15. We’ll also link to CD and Melody’s website where you can find the marriage guides they shared about as well as sign up to do dating discipleship with them. Look for all those resources in our show notes. And as always, you will find blogs, videos, and more podcast episodes like this one to help you navigate modern dating and relationships at authenticintimacy.com.
Thanks for listening and I look forward to having coffee with you next time on Java with Juli.