What do you think is the most important element when it comes to marriage?
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When Your Adult Child Makes Sexual Choices You Disagree With
What does it look like to love God and love an adult child who has a very different sexual ethic?
Should I Go to a Gay Wedding?
Few topics in today’s world are more divisive in the Christian Church than sexuality.
3 Subconscious Beliefs You May Hold About Living With Same-Sex Attraction
Scripture reveals that the way we think shapes our actions, but have you given thought to what and how you think about our sexuality?
Taming the Tongue on Groundhog Day
I’ve heard a lot of people comment that life right now feels like the movie “Groundhog Day”—the same thing over and over again with no end in sight. While there are blessings in having our lives slow down, there are also tensions and frustrations that overflow out of...
Learning To Be a Promise-Breaker
Has anyone ever told you that it may be healthy to break your promises? No, I’m not talking about going back on your word or taking your wedding vows lightly. I’m referring to a different category of vows … the kind of promises that people rarely acknowledge. Our...
A Hopeless New Year?
Turning my calendar to January 1 is usually refreshing for me. It represents a new year with a clean slate and excitement ahead. So why does ushering in 2020 feel so heavy and discouraging? There are many indications that our culture is quickly moving in a dangerous...
The World Has a Lot To Say About Sex
If you haven’t noticed, our views on sexuality have changed quite a bit over the past 20 years. Americans are far more accepting of behaviors they once considered to be sexually immoral. Cohabitation, having sex outside of marriage, no-fault divorce, viewing...
Escaping the Web of Pride
My dear friend Christine and I were recently talking over a cup of coffee about the battle of pride—how difficult it is to detect and how impossible to conquer. She told me a story that perfectly symbolized the problem: Juli, every morning I go out to my garden and...
Have You Forgotten Who God Is?
In the process of teaching about biblical sexuality, I have at times taken a critical look at traditions Christians have long held as truth. For example, you may have heard a recent Java with Juli episode exploring the missteps and harmful messages of the conservative...
Learning to Say “I Was Wrong”
If you are old enough to recall the sitcom Happy Days, you’ll remember “The Fonz.” Henry Winkler played the character of Arthur Fonzarelli, the coolest guy in town. The Fonz in his leather jacket and perfect hair could get all the ladies with the snap of his fingers....
Another Reminder That Something is Wrong
Several months ago, I got really sick. I was in bed for days with a high fever and chills, a deep cough, and no appetite. I gave the illness several days to run its course, treating my symptoms with Tylenol and cough medicine. When I didn’t get better, my husband took...
How Do I Rebuild Trust After Betrayal?
There is no pain like discovering that your husband has been unfaithful. It’s as if your whole world has been shattered. You doubt your instincts because you have been fooled. You make vows to never trust again because old vows have been broken. Based on God’s Word,...
I’m Single & Have No Sexual Desire
“I don’t feel sexual desire toward my boyfriend/fiancé. Should I stay single?” Let me introduce you to three different women who have asked me this question for very different reasons: Chelsey has been dating Drew for two years. They have a deep affection for each...
God Says Not To Judge… Right?
Whenever I write a blog on a controversial sexual issue, I typically hear from people who remind me that God says not to judge other people. Whether I’m teaching about pornography, Fifty Shades of Grey, living together outside of marriage, divorce or homosexuality,...
What’s OK in the Bedroom?
God’s desire is not to limit your enjoyment, but to heighten it.
When You’re Attracted to Someone Who’s Not Your Spouse
The stereotype of an adulterous affair in marriage has typically been the picture of a cheating husband. The man has a one-night stand on a business trip or falls in love with his secretary. I guess it never occurred to us that for every cheating man, there must also...
What Should You Do If Your Husband Looks at Porn?
(Presione aquí para leer en español). “Last night I walked in on my husband viewing porn. This isn’t the first time this has happened. I feel so violated—like I could never share my body with him again. Why should I, anyway? I could never compete with porn!” If your...
A Christian Mom, Her Sexual Addiction, and Forgiveness
Sexual addiction doesn’t always have the face you think it will. I was speaking at a large women’s leaders conference in Texas. In the middle of worship, I suddenly found a woman weeping uncontrollably in my arms. I escorted her out of the room, holding her as she...
Transcript: #562 The Best Way to Stop Fighting in Your Marriage
A transcript of Java with Juli #562, where Brad Rhoads from Grace Marriage, shared at Reclaim 2024.
Is Forgiveness Necessary for Healing?
Is there a connection between healing and the unforgiveness that so often fills our hearts?
Overcoming Sexual Shame and Fear in Marriage
There are many Christians who feel uncomfortable with their sexuality. Juli explores possible reasons why and advises on how to overcome it.
How To Heal And Grow: Four Surprising Pathways To Christ-Likeness
What would it look like to pursue freedom, healing and spiritual growth while embracing the way God designed you?
God Says Sex is For Marriage – Here’s Why
More and more Christians are having sex outside of marriage, but is this in line with what God’s word says?
Why Sexual Maturity Matters More Than Sexual Experience
What if the key to understanding sexual matters begins with knowing God’s word, trusting Him, and growing in self-control?
I Love Being Bitter: How We Grow Bitter and 3 Ways to Overcome
The Bible warns against bitterness, but how do we prevent bitterness from growing in our hearts? Hannah Nitz shares her heart on the blog.
Contentment: How to Live Joyfully Through the Ups and Downs of Life
If everything in your life were to remain exactly the way it is in this current moment, do you think you could still be truly, deeply happy? As a single woman, this was something I was used to asking myself. After all, marriage was not a certainty. What surprised me...
Help! How Much Sex is “Normal” for Married Couples?
It isn’t uncommon for us to receive questions from married couples asking about a normal frequency for sex. Should they have sex once a week, twice a week, or every day?! We understand that it can be challenging for two people with different levels of desire for sex...
How Do I Know If I’m in an Abusive Relationship?
On the surface, they looked like a perfect Christian couple. Always together, with his arm around her waist. Her friends would admit to feeling a bit jealous. Abby never goes anywhere without Jake; he’s so attentive. I can barely get my husband to notice that I’m in...
3 Ways To Help Your Wife Feel Fully Known and Fully Loved
My guest on the blog today is my favorite human, Zack Skarka! After I shared my struggle with body image, I invited Zack to tell his side of the story too. If you need to share this blog with your husband, please know that I'll be praying for you! Ask God for wisdom,...
3 Ways That Loving Your Body Builds Intimacy in Marriage
As I stood in front of the mirror, I counted the number of scars displayed across my stomach, splattered across my belly like a toddler with a crayon. How could I ever feel beautiful again, let alone sexy? My thoughts were interrupted as my husband came up behind me...
“God Doesn’t Care” and 3 Other Lies You Might Believe About Sex
I’ll never be able to kick porn for good! I hate sex. I’ll never be able to enjoy it with my husband. I’m damaged beyond repair. I can’t have a great sex life if I don’t have a beautiful body. Have thoughts like these ever crossed your mind? If so, where do you think...
3 Ways To Make Sexual Intimacy a Priority in Your Marriage
It’s often said, “Show me your calendar, and I’ll tell you what is important to you.” There are a lot of things we say are important to us but end up taking a back seat to busyness and the distractions that clamor for our attention. Intimacy in marriage is usually one...
3 Reasons I Can Run To God With My Sexual Brokenness
This question is where it all begins for me: Can I really trust God with everything, including my sexuality? (Presione aquí para leer en español) I still picture myself in my room that night, tossing and turning, overwhelmed by the anguish in my soul. Gripping the...
Church Is Good For You; It’s Time To Go Back
I meet more and more Christians who have simply given up on church. Maybe you are one of them. You’ve been disappointed by a leader, disillusioned by division, or just can’t find a place you belong. Through COVID-19 quarantines, perhaps you settled into a new routine...
3 Reasons To Invite Women Into Conversations About Sexual Brokenness
I opened my door and there she stood. She was nervous. I invited her inside my home, offered her a cup of coffee, and we sat down on my couch. I could see the hesitancy on her face as she fidgeted with her phone. I asked her to tell me a bit about her story. My new...
3 Things I Want You To Know as I Launch a Countercultural Book
A book release. Normally this would be an exciting event. It’s kind of like giving birth to a child that you have nurtured in your womb for nine months. As this one approaches, my excitement is honestly mixed with trepidation. Over twenty years ago, I wrote my first...
Sexual Attraction Isn’t as Important as You Think, Here’s Why
Within the past few months, several different people have posed questions to me about the importance of sexual attraction. - A young woman asked, “I am in a dating relationship with a great guy. We connect on a lot of levels, but I’m not sexually attracted to him....
Six Red Flags You Can’t Ignore in Dating
Are you dating someone and wondering if the red flags you see are reason enough to break up with him or her? Do your friends and family have concerns about the relationship? If you feel in your heart that something is just not right, don’t ignore it. It might be the...
Resign As Boss: How To Help Your Husband Lead
This is part three of a three-part series from Juli's book Finding the Hero in Your Husband, Revisited. As recently as a few decades ago, many Christian women believed that in order to be loving wives they had to limit their own personal potential. Loving and...
7 Ways We Unknowingly Sabotage Intimacy in Our Marriages
This is part two of a three-part series from, "Finding the Hero in Your Husband, Revisited.”* A wife’s greatest dilemma is that you want your husband to lead, but you want him to lead the way you tell him to. There is a tension between desperately wanting to...
3 Reasons Women Tend To Take Over in Marriage
The first in a 3-part series from "Finding the Hero in Your Husband, Revisited."* Author Margo Kaufman once wrote, “The only thing worse than a man you can’t control is a man you can.” I’ve experienced this bind. Have you? I desperately want to build the hero in my...
Want Your Marriage To Go the Distance? You’ll Need More Than “Artificial Intimacy”
Here’s a little secret I learned a few years into marriage: I didn’t know if I really loved Mike until I felt no feelings of love toward him. The sense of “feeling love” had to fade away for me to be able to learn how to really love my husband. My friend, and this...
Can Shame Ever Be a Good Thing?
“Shame on you!” If you grew up in my generation, this is a sentence you probably heard as a child. You were told that you should be ashamed of the way you treated your sister, for stealing that candy bar, or for talking back. These are also words that I’ve probably...
What Kind of Lover Are You?
As women, we typically view sex as a way of expressing the love and intimacy we feel in our hearts. It’s definitely a challenge to be sexually intimate when those feelings of love are absent. For the first decade of our marriage, it irritated me when my husband wanted...
Three Things I (Wish I Hadn’t) Learned From Pornography
When I was a fifth grader, my friend opened my laptop and introduced me to pornography. At the time, I didn’t know what pornography was, but I did know that it was something new and exciting. Years would go by before I rediscovered porn. In college, after experiencing...
7 Reasons Kids Turn To Porn & What You Can Do About It
We invited John Fort, the director of training at Be Broken Ministries, to be our guest writer for this article. John has many years of experience in sexual addiction recovery, both personally and professionally. He is also the author of Honest Talk: A New Perspective...
Purity Culture: Lose the Lies, Keep Your Faith
If you want to get “cancelled” in Christian culture, try using the phrase “sexual purity.” Even for many committed Christians, sexual purity has lost its luster. Women are writing dissertations and books about how the Church’s teaching on sex has not only harmed them...
Five Things You Need to Know About Women, Orgasm & Intimacy
After speaking at a marriage event, I spent time with couples who wanted to ask a question or share a comment. A young couple sat patiently and silently until everyone else had left the auditorium. As I sat down to talk with them, they could barely get the words out. The young man began, “This is really embarrassing, but we don’t know where else to go for help. Umm, we’ve been married for, umm, six years and umm….” His wife quietly finished his sentence, “I don’t know how to achieve an orgasm.”
Three Things To Remember About Sexual Sin & Grace
In the midst of my guilt and shame, frustration filled my mind. “I can’t believe I sinned… again. Does God hate me for my addiction? Will I ever find freedom?” Countless men and women I’ve talked to have asked similar questions. What are you supposed to do when you...
Compassion That Doesn’t Compromise
I’m in my-mid forties, divorced, and lonely. I love God and want to follow His plan for sex and marriage, but I just can’t find a man who is willing to share that journey with me. I’m not the naive young woman “saving sex for marriage” like I was in my twenties. I’m...
How to Suffer Well Through Sickness
*Trigger warning, mention of assault and trauma. This past spring, I spent 30 nights alone in the hospital without my loving husband by my side. One night, as I laid in my hospital bed, I thought back on the decision I made to marry him. Little did I know how my...
Are You Entitled to (Good) Sex In Marriage?
A man approached me after hearing me speak on the topic of sexual intimacy and thanked me for talking openly about such a vulnerable subject. Then he began sharing his story with me. He had just divorced his wife of 29 years because of a lack of fulfilling sex in...
As Christians, How Do We Respond to Abuse Allegations in the Church?
No, Lord, not another one! My stomach feels sick every time I see the headline of a Christian leader accused of sexual misconduct. Over the years some of you have reached out to ask me what I think about high profile accusations of Christian leaders. You’ve wondered...
Experience Freedom From Shame
I’ll never forget how I felt the first time I looked into the mirror after being date raped in college. I stood there naked, alone, and ashamed. I began to question God and His love for me. Soon after this moment, I cried out to God in a journal entry. I wrote, God do...
Who Takes Out the Trash?
Household chores represent probably the most pressing “minor issue” in marriage for a lot of couples because it’s a conflict that never goes away. Every day, someone has to do the dishes, take out the trash, do laundry, cook dinner, and clean the sink. There’s no...
Remembering Your Way Out of Discouragement
Have you ever faced a difficult season only to have friends tell you to trust in God? While you know their advice is right, it doesn’t seem very practical. What does it actually look like to trust in God through trials and discouragement? David faced almost every...
Did He Pass the Test?
This morning, I met with a group of friends to encourage each other in our marriages. As we talked, one of the women described her discouragement when her husband failed to text her during the day about something that was important to her. “He knew my sister was going...
Helping Your Husband Grow UP
We’ve written before about the growing trend of husbands who would rather play their Xbox or Nintendo Switch—or spend hours glued to ESPN, oblivious of your screaming child and leaking roof—than step into adult responsibilities. Whatever the scenario, the burden of...
Drowning in Shallow Christianity
I recently met with a friend who shared openly with me about her struggles in marriage. “It’s like living with a robot! He doesn’t seem to know how to connect emotionally. Am I supposed to live the next thirty years with this man? Does God really want me to be so...
I Don’t Trust Myself
A few days ago, I rushed to see Toni (the lady who cuts my hair) in the middle of the work day. I got there with just a few minutes to spare after getting off a conference call. Someone else was sitting in Toni’s chair. “I’ll just wait in the lobby until you’re done,”...
The “Why” for Every Question About Sexuality
When children reach the age of two, they begin asking a question they never stop asking. Why? If you are parenting a young child, you are faced with endless why questions. Why do I have to go to bed so early? Why do I have to eat brussel sprouts? Why do you have to go...
Healing After #metoo
As you watch a flood of #MeToo tags come through your social media feed, what is your reaction? Maybe you feel sick to your stomach, need some time to let the grief wash over you, or experience a rush of anger. Me too. How does something that is so hidden and...
Making Time for Making Love
After a long day of taking care of three little boys, cooking, cleaning, and juggling work responsibilities, I had reached the “finish line.” It was my time to rest. I ignored the subtle flirtations of my husband, Mike, hoping he would get the hint that I was not in...
Help! My Husband Annoys Me
“He slurps his soup, bites his fingernails and always leaves his dirty clothes on the floor. I expected the relational challenges of marriage, but my biggest problem is that I can barely stand to be in the same room with the man!” I wonder how many marriages are...
What’s the Purpose of Marriage?
Recently, a newly wed friend asked me this question. “What’s the purpose of marriage? Sometimes I think of it as free sex and housekeeping. Is marriage just an arrangement of living off my husband financially in exchange for taking care of a home and making meals?”...
Four Christmas Gifts For My Husband
Christmas shopping for my husband is always a challenge. He's a particular guy. He takes hours to pick out a gym bag and days to choose a watch. On my own, I never get it right. He's also the kind of guy who usually buys what he needs and doesn't wait for Christmas....
Gay Marriage and What We’ve Forgotten About God
A.W. Tozer wrote, “The most important thing about you is what you believe about God.” There is a lot in the news today about what Christian leaders think about Hillary Clinton, Donald Trump, and gay marriage. Specifically, Jen Hatmaker’s recent comments have created...
A Challenge from the Song of Solomon
Have you ever read a portion of the Bible that gave you pause? As you read, you thought, “That doesn’t seem to square with what I think about God.” This has happened to me many times reading the Old Testament prophets or the book of Revelation, but I also have that...
2 Things Every Wife Needs From Her Husband
Over the past few weeks, we’ve heard from a few of you that are frustrated that we talk so much about what men need in marriage. Several of our recent podcasts and last week’s webinar have been about helping you understand your husband’s needs and...
Being Sexy Has Nothing To Do With Your Body
When I talk to women about sex in marriage, one of the most common concerns is their bodies. “I’m just not sexy!” Practically every woman feels like she is either too old, too fat, too flat-chested, or too plain to be sexy. We live in a world that has definite...
Why Does Sex Matter?
I can remember being a teenager, babysitting at my sister’s house. On her nightstand, she had a book about sex. I was intrigued . . . I was curious! I would never have admitted that to anyone back then, but in the privacy of her house I looked through the book. Asking...
My Husband Won’t Grow Up
He spends hours a day playing Call Of Duty, can’t make a decision, and throws a temper tantrum when he doesn’t get his way. He may be over six feet tall and intimidating to a stranger, but he still behaves like he’s 15. Does this describe your husband? If so, you’re...
Your Kids Need Your Husband to Be Their Father
I can remember the day vividly – my invitation to motherhood. Mike and I were visiting his brother and sister-in-law in Madison, Wisconsin and I was feeling more exhausted than normal. I was a few days “late” but we were using birth control, so surely I couldn’t be...
Should You Tell Your Partner About Your Sexual Past?
Women often ask me about how much of your past is healthy to share in intimate relationships. How much does a potential husband need to know about your sexual experiences and struggles? How much should he tell you? This is one of those issues that relationship coaches...
The Erosion of Gender and You
Over the past few decades, we’ve slowly been eroding what it means to be male and female. Recently this movement has culminated in normalizing transgenderism and the vilification of anyone who stands upon a traditional definition of male and female. Just last week,...
Are You Leaning In or Leaning Up?
A few years ago, Sheryl Sandberg (the CEO of Facebook and now Google), wrote a best-selling book, Lean In. She shared her observations about women, careers and what keeps women from advancement in the workplace. While I think Lean In has some practical advice for...
Why Your Story Matters
Have you ever wondered if your life matters? Out of all of the people on the planet, why is your life unique? From the time of my childhood, I’ve heard that I was made “in the image of God.” This one truth sets all humanity apart from every other created being. As...
Encountering the Radical Love of Jesus
Through our work at Authentic Intimacy, Linda Dillow and I have met hundreds of women on a healing journey. Some are dealing with sexual trauma, others infidelity and betrayal, and still others can’t shake the shame from their past. We have witnessed the power of our...
Who is at the Center of Your Marriage?
What is the most effective glue in marriage? Many modern couples would answer, “our children.” The Atlantic recently published an article stating that modern marriages are becoming more child-centered. It is an emerging trend for several reasons. Most notably, more...
Why We Must Be Surprised by the Healer
This month I gave birth to my eighth book. Actually, it was a “co-labor” with my dear friend and mentor, Linda Dillow. When I use the word “labor,” I mean it. This book, Surprised by the Healer, was probably the most difficult that either of us has ever written....
3 Things Sex and Junk Food Have in Common
I recently read a book about sexual patterns among young adults called Premarital Sex in America by Mark Regnerus and Jeremy Uecker. Let’s just say that the news is not good. Americans are having sex younger and sooner in relationships, with more people and are...
What Do You Do When the Person You’re Dating Struggles With Porn?
Dear Juli, I'm currently in a season of singleness, but I've had two serious relationships with godly guys before this. Both (not right away) admitted to struggling/having struggled with pornography. At first, I was shocked and a little disgusted. Talking to them,...
Don’t Be Spontaneous In Marriage
Want to watch a group of women swoon? Tell a story about a husband who was completely spontaneous. There is something about the mystery and surprise of impromptu romance that fills women with passion! Anything from randomly picking up flowers to a last minute road...
Pornography & Our Kids
Our nation was recently appalled to discover that a city government in Flint, Michigan has been serving their citizens poisonous water for over a year. When concerns were raised, government officials gaffed them off as isolated incidents. Tragically, young children...
How Do We Determine Right and Wrong?
In response to some of the posts I’ve written on issues like transgenderism and Fifty Shades of Grey, I’ve heard from women who are angry that I would present some sexual choices or lifestyles as morally wrong. Here is an example: Who are you to say that sleeping with...
Confessions of a Former Erotica Author
I had the opportunity to have coffee with Francine Rivers, bestselling author of Redeeming Love. Francine used to write erotic historical fiction. She offers insight into how erotica is a harmful escape, both to the author and reader. You can listen to our...
Your Kids Need Foundational Biblical Beliefs, Not Just Teaching About Sex
Dr. Kathy Koch explains why foundational biblical beliefs are such a critical element of teaching your kids about sex.
How To Fight For Integrity In A Hyper-Sexualized World
Juli suggests some steps Christians can take as they pursue Godly living and surrendered sexuality in our hypersexualized world.
Purity Culture Failed Men Too
A male perspective on some of the negative fallout of purity culture.
5 Healthy Ways to Respond to Your Husband’s Porn Problem
Juli challenges wives to reject blame and consider biblical teaching on responding to the painful sins of those we love.
4 Lies the Movies Told Us About Sex and The Truths You Need to Know
Have you learned and adopted more beliefs about sex from the movies than you realize?
Why You Still Need Boundaries As You Pursue Sexual Integrity
While we do need to reject the legalism of purity culture, Juli explains that boundaries still help us embrace godliness with our sexuality.
If I’m Free, Why Can’t I Do What I Want? And Other Ways We Misunderstand Freedom
There are significant differences between the way the Bible and the world talk about freedom, so what does it really mean to live freely?
What’s the Most Important Thing the Bible Says About Your Sex Life?
What does the Bible say about sex? If you Google this question, you will find a series of articles discussing a dozen or so Bible passages that clearly address sexual issues like adultery, fornication, same-sex activity, and married sex. While those passages are...
6 Thoughts To Help You Discern Truth and Give Grace
Over the past several months, many of you have messaged our team here at Authentic Intimacy asking for my opinion on a recent book or controversy within the Christian community. Most recently, people want my opinion on the new film adaptation of Redeeming Love. You...
Your Questions About Sex Point to Bigger Questions About God
Our sexuality is not an isolated part of who we are, but an integrated aspect of what it means to be created in God’s image and loved by Him. Our sexual questions and pain points connect with our deepest longings and fears. It’s impossible to grapple with our sexuality without also confronting our foundational beliefs about God. Is He good? Is He trustworthy? Does He see me?
Finding Jesus on Christmas
True confessions... I don't love Christmas. I didn't say I hate Christmas; I just don't love it. My ambivalence around this holiday has developed over time. Too many years of disappointment when a family member's illness cancelled our celebration and all the best...
Relational Revelation
As a Christian psychologist, I sometimes feel like I’m in the crosshairs of pastors and therapists who disagree about the road to healing. Those who study theology and teach the Bible often emphasize the importance of God’s Word and prayer. Christians in the therapy...
Why Is Healing So Hard?
Tina and I met together for counseling several years ago to work through some traumatic experiences from her past. A year after our work together was done, Tina came in for a “check up.” She shared with me that within that year, she had undergone surgery, radiation,...