It never feels good to apologize or own up to our failings.
AI Blog
Another Reminder That Something is Wrong
Several months ago, I got really sick. I was in bed for days with a high fever and chills, a deep cough, and no appetite. I gave the illness several days to run its course, treating my symptoms with Tylenol and cough medicine. When I didn’t get better, my husband took...
How Do I Rebuild Trust After Betrayal?
While a marriage can recover from betrayal, it is not a quick, painless process. Something precious has been broken and needs to be rebuilt.
I’m Single & Have No Sexual Desire
While sexual desire and expression is an important part of marriage, we need to remember that it is not the foundation of marriage.
God Says Not To Judge… Right?
Whenever I write a blog on a controversial sexual issue, I typically hear from people who remind me that God says not to judge other people. Whether I’m teaching about pornography, Fifty Shades of Grey, living together outside of marriage, divorce or homosexuality,...
What’s OK in the Bedroom?
God’s desire is not to limit your enjoyment, but to heighten it.
When You’re Attracted to Someone Who’s Not Your Spouse
Unfortunately, many of us have no idea what to do when someone other than our spouse starts to pay attention to us.
What Should You Do If Your Husband Looks at Porn?
As rampant as pornography and sexual addictions have become, God is still in the business of healing.
A Christian Mom, Her Sexual Addiction, and Forgiveness
Sexual addiction doesn’t always have the face you think it will.
Is Forgiveness Necessary for Healing?
Is there a connection between healing and the unforgiveness that so often fills our hearts?
I Love Being Bitter: How We Grow Bitter and 3 Ways to Overcome
The Bible warns against bitterness, but how do we prevent bitterness from growing in our hearts? Hannah Nitz shares her heart on the blog.
Contentment: How to Live Joyfully Through the Ups and Downs of Life
As Christians we know that the Bible challenges us to live contented lives, but have you ever really thought about what it means to be content?
Help! How Much Sex is “Normal” for Married Couples?
It’s important to focus not on what everyone else is doing, but on what is good for you and your spouse.
How Do I Know If I’m in an Abusive Relationship?
Even those in abusive relationships often wouldn’t identify the relationship as such.
3 Ways To Help Your Wife Feel Fully Known and Fully Loved
My guest on the blog today is my favorite human, Zack Skarka! After I shared my struggle with body image, I invited Zack to tell his side of the story too. If you need to share this blog with your husband, please know that I'll be praying for you! Ask God for wisdom,...
3 Ways That Loving Your Body Builds Intimacy in Marriage
As we begin to find our source of security in God, not in what we look like, we can also grow in intimacy with our husbands.
“God Doesn’t Care” and 3 Other Lies You Might Believe About Sex
These four lies often represent a stronghold in our lives and marriages.
3 Ways To Make Sexual Intimacy a Priority in Your Marriage
In order to invest time in sexual intimacy, you will have to be stubbornly intentional about carving out time and energy.
3 Reasons I Can Run To God With My Sexual Brokenness
This question is where it all begins for me: Can I really trust God with everything, including my sexuality? (Presione aquí para leer en español) I still picture myself in my room that night, tossing and turning, overwhelmed by the anguish in my soul. Gripping the...
Church Is Good For You; It’s Time To Go Back
I meet more and more Christians who have simply given up on church. Maybe you are one of them. You’ve been disappointed by a leader, disillusioned by division, or just can’t find a place you belong. Through COVID-19 quarantines, perhaps you settled into a new routine...
3 Reasons To Invite Women Into Conversations About Sexual Brokenness
I opened my door and there she stood. She was nervous. I invited her inside my home, offered her a cup of coffee, and we sat down on my couch. I could see the hesitancy on her face as she fidgeted with her phone. I asked her to tell me a bit about her story. My new...
3 Things I Want You To Know as I Launch a Countercultural Book
As the release of this book approaches, my excitement is honestly mixed with trepidation.
Sexual Attraction Isn’t as Important as You Think, Here’s Why
While sexual attraction can be a wonderful gift, I believe it is overemphasized in today’s conversations about dating and marriage.
Six Red Flags You Can’t Ignore in Dating
Are you dating someone and wondering if the red flags you see are reason enough to break up with him or her? Do your friends and family have concerns about the relationship? If you feel in your heart that something is just not right, don’t ignore it. It might be the...
Resign As Boss: How To Help Your Husband Lead
Are you ready to consider a different approach?
7 Ways We Unknowingly Sabotage Intimacy in Our Marriages
Take-charge wives use different strategies to keep the upper hand of power in the relationship. Here are a few of them.
3 Reasons Women Tend To Take Over in Marriage
Author Margo Kaufman once wrote, “The only thing worse than a man you can’t control is a man you can.”
Want Your Marriage To Go the Distance? You’ll Need More Than “Artificial Intimacy”
Why do couples convinced they found “the one” end up divorcing just a few years (or sometimes a couple decades) into their marriage?
Can Shame Ever Be a Good Thing?
“Shame on you!” If you grew up in my generation, this is a sentence you probably heard as a child. You were told that you should be ashamed of the way you treated your sister, for stealing that candy bar, or for talking back. These are also words that I’ve probably...
What Kind of Lover Are You?
God designed sex to be more than any of us has understood.
7 Reasons Kids Turn To Porn & What You Can Do About It
We invited John Fort, the director of training at Be Broken Ministries, to be our guest writer for this article. John has many years of experience in sexual addiction recovery, both personally and professionally. He is also the author of Honest Talk: A New Perspective...
Purity Culture: Lose the Lies, Keep Your Faith
Even for many committed Christians, sexual purity has lost its luster. What is going on?
Five Things You Need to Know About Women, Orgasm & Intimacy
Research shows that about 75% of women find it difficult to climax through intercourse alone and about ten percent never experience orgasm.
Three Things To Remember About Sexual Sin & Grace
In the midst of my guilt and shame, frustration filled my mind. “I can’t believe I sinned… again. Does God hate me for my addiction? Will I ever find freedom?” Countless men and women I’ve talked to have asked similar questions. What are you supposed to do when you...
Compassion That Doesn’t Compromise
I’m in my-mid forties, divorced, and lonely. I love God and want to follow His plan for sex and marriage, but I just can’t find a man who is willing to share that journey with me. I’m not the naive young woman “saving sex for marriage” like I was in my twenties. I’m...
How to Suffer Well Through Sickness
*Trigger warning, mention of assault and trauma. This past spring, I spent 30 nights alone in the hospital without my loving husband by my side. One night, as I laid in my hospital bed, I thought back on the decision I made to marry him. Little did I know how my...
Are You Entitled to (Good) Sex In Marriage?
Does the Bible teach that great sex is a right in marriage? Some point to Corinthians 7:1-5 to suggest that it does.
As Christians, How Do We Respond to Abuse Allegations in the Church?
No, Lord, not another one! My stomach feels sick every time I see the headline of a Christian leader accused of sexual misconduct. Over the years some of you have reached out to ask me what I think about high profile accusations of Christian leaders. You’ve wondered...
Experience Freedom From Shame
I’ll never forget how I felt the first time I looked into the mirror after being date raped in college. I stood there naked, alone, and ashamed. I began to question God and His love for me. Soon after this moment, I cried out to God in a journal entry. I wrote, God do...
Who Takes Out the Trash?
You and your spouse could argue for days about chores, but ultimately it will boil down to these three triggers.
Why Is Healing So Hard?
Tina and I met together for counseling several years ago to work through some traumatic experiences from her past. A year after our work together was done, Tina came in for a “check up.” She shared with me that within that year, she had undergone surgery, radiation,...
Remembering Your Way Out of Discouragement
Have you ever faced a difficult season only to have friends tell you to trust in God? While you know their advice is right, it doesn’t seem very practical. What does it actually look like to trust in God through trials and discouragement? David faced almost every...
Did He Pass the Test?
Here are four things to remember when you are tempted to test your husband’s love.
Helping Your Husband Grow UP
If, as a wife, you find yourself here, how should you invite him into maturity rather than encouraging stagnation by continuing to “do it all”?
Drowning in Shallow Christianity
I recently met with a friend who shared openly with me about her struggles in marriage. “It’s like living with a robot! He doesn’t seem to know how to connect emotionally. Am I supposed to live the next thirty years with this man? Does God really want me to be so...
I Don’t Trust Myself
A few days ago, I rushed to see Toni (the lady who cuts my hair) in the middle of the work day. I got there with just a few minutes to spare after getting off a conference call. Someone else was sitting in Toni’s chair. “I’ll just wait in the lobby until you’re done,”...
The “Why” for Every Question About Sexuality
There is a reason why sexuality matters and why every sexual issue has spiritual significance.
Healing After #metoo
As you watch a flood of #MeToo tags come through your social media feed, what is your reaction? Maybe you feel sick to your stomach, need some time to let the grief wash over you, or experience a rush of anger. Me too. How does something that is so hidden and...
Making Time for Making Love
God has taught me a lot about the importance of sex in marriage and how to make it happen, even in the busiest stage of your life.
Help! My Husband Annoys Me
I hope it won’t annoy you if I share three of the breakthroughs I’ve had on the journey to an irritation-free marriage.
What’s the Purpose of Marriage?
Recently, a newlywed friend asked me this question. “What’s the purpose of marriage?
Four Christmas Gifts For My Husband
Christmas shopping for my husband is always a challenge. He's a particular guy. He takes hours to pick out a gym bag and days to choose a watch. On my own, I never get it right. He's also the kind of guy who usually buys what he needs and doesn't wait for Christmas....
Gay Marriage and What We’ve Forgotten About God
A.W. Tozer wrote, “The most important thing about you is what you believe about God.”
A Challenge from the Song of Solomon
Have you ever read a portion of the Bible that gave you pause? As you read, you thought, “That doesn’t seem to square with what I think about God.” This has happened to me many times reading the Old Testament prophets or the book of Revelation, but I also have that...
2 Things Every Wife Needs From Her Husband
It helps to understand and communicate what you desire in marriage.
Being Sexy Has Nothing To Do With Your Body
We live in a world with definite opinions on what is sexy. As a result, we all carry unattainable standards of beauty in our minds.
Why Does Sex Matter?
Our sexuality works in subversive ways, impacting our choices and often becoming a formidable source of temptation and frustration.
My Husband Won’t Grow Up
What do you do when your husband won’t grow up?
Your Kids Need Your Husband to Be Their Father
Moms have no choice but to accept the invitation to motherhood. But a man; he must be invited again and again into fatherhood.
Should You Tell Your Partner About Your Sexual Past?
How much does a potential husband need to know about your sexual experiences and struggles?
The Erosion of Gender and You
We understand the need for certain unchanging truths in our physical world, but seem to have forgotten their importance in the emotional and spiritual.
Are You Leaning In or Leaning Up?
Rather than point out the faults in the philosophy presented in Lean In, I’d like to share a bit about my own journey.
Why Your Story Matters
Have you ever wondered if your life matters? Out of all of the people on the planet, why is your life unique?
Encountering the Radical Love of Jesus
The stories of women dealing with sexual trauma, infidelity and betrayal, and shame from their past, who witnessed the power of our God’s healing.
Who is at the Center of Your Marriage?
What is the most effective glue in marriage?
Why We Must Be Surprised by the Healer
Healing . . . it’s a controversial topic.
3 Things Sex and Junk Food Have in Common
Americans are having sex younger and sooner in relationships, with more people; ultimately experiencing less satisfaction in intimate relationships.
What Do You Do When the Person You’re Dating Struggles With Porn?
How do you navigate the realities of pornography and other sexually related struggles in dating relationships?
Don’t Be Spontaneous In Marriage
Want to watch a group of women swoon? Tell a story about a husband who was completely spontaneous.
Is There a Christian Version of Barbie?
Today I fight the pressure of a different type of Barbie. I’ll call her “Biblie,” the Christian version of Barbie.
Pornography & Our Kids
Children’s smartphones, laptops, game consoles and televisions consistently pipe in the poison of pornography and sexual exploitation.
How Do We Determine Right and Wrong?
How do we determine right and wrong in personal issues like homosexuality and erotica? Who has the authority to define morality?
Confessions of a Former Erotica Author
Francine Rivers shares lessons, grief, and God’s intervention.
Your Kids Need Foundational Biblical Beliefs, Not Just Teaching About Sex
Dr. Kathy Koch explains why foundational biblical beliefs are such a critical element of teaching your kids about sex.
How To Fight For Integrity In A Hyper-Sexualized World
Juli suggests some steps Christians can take as they pursue Godly living and surrendered sexuality in our hypersexualized world.
Purity Culture Failed Men Too
A male perspective on some of the negative fallout of purity culture.
5 Healthy Ways to Respond to Your Husband’s Porn Problem
Juli challenges wives to reject blame and consider biblical teaching on responding to the painful sins of those we love.
4 Lies the Movies Told Us About Sex and The Truths You Need to Know
Have you learned and adopted more beliefs about sex from the movies than you realize?
Why You Still Need Boundaries As You Pursue Sexual Integrity
While we do need to reject the legalism of purity culture, Juli explains that boundaries still help us embrace godliness with our sexuality.
If I’m Free, Why Can’t I Do What I Want? And Other Ways We Misunderstand Freedom
There are significant differences between the way the Bible and the world talk about freedom, so what does it really mean to live freely?
What’s the Most Important Thing the Bible Says About Your Sex Life?
What does the Bible say about sex? If you Google this question, you will find a series of articles discussing a dozen or so Bible passages that clearly address sexual issues like adultery, fornication, same-sex activity, and married sex. While those passages are...
6 Thoughts To Help You Discern Truth and Give Grace
Over the past several months, many of you have messaged our team here at Authentic Intimacy asking for my opinion on a recent book or controversy within the Christian community. Most recently, people want my opinion on the new film adaptation of Redeeming Love. You...
Your Questions About Sex Point to Bigger Questions About God
Our sexuality is not an isolated part of who we are, but an integrated aspect of what it means to be created in God’s image and loved by Him. Our sexual questions and pain points connect with our deepest longings and fears. It’s impossible to grapple with our sexuality without also confronting our foundational beliefs about God. Is He good? Is He trustworthy? Does He see me?
Finding Jesus on Christmas
True confessions... I don't love Christmas. I didn't say I hate Christmas; I just don't love it. My ambivalence around this holiday has developed over time. Too many years of disappointment when a family member's illness cancelled our celebration and all the best...
Relational Revelation
As a Christian psychologist, I sometimes feel like I’m in the crosshairs of pastors and therapists who disagree about the road to healing. Those who study theology and teach the Bible often emphasize the importance of God’s Word and prayer. Christians in the therapy...
Longing for Hope When Leaders Fail
Sometimes what is happening in the world overwhelms my “to do” list. Today feels like one of those days. This blog post isn’t about intimacy, relationships, or sexuality. It’s about the brokenness we all see all around us. As children and teenagers, our spiritual and...
Sex is the Icing on the Cake
You can’t just work on sexual intimacy without also getting into deeper issues of trust, emotional needs and communication.
Manhood on a Razor’s Edge
Last week, I spent $44 at Costco on Gillette razor blades for my husband. When I heard Gillette had just released a controversial video on toxic manhood, I wondered if I would regret my purchase. Having just watched the Gillette commercial, I couldn’t be more...
Your Marriage Should Be Fun
Yes, there is a time to resolve conflict and learn about having a sacred marriage, but there is also a time to laugh.
You Can Be Single & Sexual
Did you know that your sexuality has nothing to do with whether or not you are having sex?
My Husband Isn’t My Best Friend
While being your husband’s best friend may be unrealistic, being his friend is a critical aspect of a healthy marriage.
Can I Be Godly and Gay?
Excerpted from 25 Questions You’re Afraid to Ask About Love, Sex, and Intimacy by Dr. Juli Slattery. © 2015 by Moody Publishers. Used with Permission. This question is a powder-keg–an extremely sensitive issue. If you have gay or bi-sexual tendencies, this is not just...
Are You a Good Samaritan?
I call them the “flannelgraph lessons” — the Bible stories I first heard in Sunday school. The story of the Good Samaritan rates right up there with David and Goliath and Jonah and the great fish. Isn’t if funny (or sad) that we can hear these famous biblical stories...
5 Secrets to Intimacy with God
Intimacy with God . . . what a strange concept! How can I be intimate with someone I can’t see, hear, or touch?
How We Become Angry People
As Christians, what is our anger supposed to look like? Juli shares some helpful ways to navigate anger and still glorify God.
5 Things Christians Can Do to Help Overcome Porn Addiction
Dr. Joy Skarka, Authentic Intimacy Program Manager, explains what Christians struggling with porn can do to overcome it.
Sexual Integrity: The Heart of Sexually Discipling Your Kids
We need to disciple our children toward the broader call of sexual integrity that exists for followers of Christ.
5 Reasons You’re Not Talking to Your Kids About Sex (and How to Overcome Them)
There are understandable reasons why you have procrastinated or stuttered your way through awkward conversations with your children.
Talking to Your Kids About Sex: Why, When, and How
My husband had just returned home with our youngest son after a weekend away for the sex talk. Christian, eleven at the time, sheepishly told me, “Mom, I feel like I’m too young to know all these things about sex.” I reassured him, “I know how you feel, but Dad and I...
Does God Want Me to Love Myself?
This is potentially the most controversial blog I have ever written. As I’ve often stated, the Bible isn’t primarily offensive because of what it says about our sexuality. It is offensive because of what it says about our humanity. You may disagree with what you are...