Should a couple who experienced infidelity give up on sex? Or is there a way to approach sex that feels safe and honest for both parties?
AI Blog
Why We Don’t Experience Victory
I recently spoke with a young woman who despises herself because of her continual struggle with lust and pornography. She’s tried to obey God and run away from sin only to find herself falling into it once again. I’ve met other people who feel similar discouragement...
How To Help Little Ones Celebrate How God Made Their Bodies
We're happy to welcome Francie Winslow back to the blog. You can learn more from Francie at her website. I was cuddled up with my youngest son on the couch when the well-known cartoon “Blues Clues” popped up on the screen. Along with flashy colors came a classic tune,...
How Do We Tell Good From Evil?
Is it wrong to live together before marriage? Does gender really matter? Is it wrong to support gay marriage? These are the types of questions that we often get asked at Authentic Intimacy. Perhaps more than ever, many Christians are confused about right and wrong....
How Pornography Impacts Intimacy and Marriage
Pornography is often framed as a “private” habit, but in reality, porn deeply disrupts the foundation of intimacy and trust in marriage.
The Five Key Bonding Forces in Healthy Relationships
“We have to be actively engaged in running the relationships that we have.” – John Van Epp
Struggling With Sexual Intimacy? You Might Need A “Sex Break”
Is it ever a good idea to take a break from having sex with your spouse? Juli explains why the answer might be yes.
What Do I Do With My Sexual Desires?
“What do I do with my sexual desire?” I’ve heard this question from men and women of every age, from those who have never married and from those who find themselves “single again.” I have also heard this question from married people who, for one reason or another, do...
#156: How To Keep Your Heart Open When You Don’t Feel Emotionally Safe
Grab your Java and join us for a little “heart care.”
Porn Affects You, Even if You Don’t Look At It
The sad truth is that the damage of porn goes far beyond the person consuming it and also affects their relationships, the people in their lives, and culture as a whole.
What’s the Purpose of Your Sexuality, Really?
Every opinion you have about sexual issues is rooted in a larger narrative of what you believe about sex—and ultimately, God.
Breaking Free from Sexual Addiction
Sometimes I joke about things I am "addicted" to. Coffee and dark chocolate are definitely on the list. Honestly, we are all addicted to something—there are things in life we just can't seem to get by without. You may be addicted to your husband's affection, a daily...
Masturbation: Is It Wrong?
Is masturbation wrong?
Masturbation and Widowhood
Many grieving spouses, especially those who experienced joyful sexual intimacy in marriage, are left asking, “What do I do with my sexual desires now?”
How To Get Past Shame From Sexual Sins
Why do we experience shame? Are there ever times when it can be a helpful feeling? Juli shares what to do when we experience shame, and how God’s word brings us hope for the future.
How To Tell if Your Spouse Is Truly Repentant
After a betrayal, how can you know if your spouse is truly repentant? Juli unpacks a recent conversation with Jeremy Smith, LPC, as he shares what to look for.
How The American Church Reinforces Isolation and Why That Needs to Change
What if one of the most important things about church is not what happens at meetings but what happens between them?
How Do I Know He’s “The One”?
Instead of asking the question, “Is this the one I should marry?,” consider these questions.
Prioritize Sexual Intimacy by Getting Your Bedroom Ready, Part 3
One very practical and creative way to work on sexual intimacy in your marriage is to put thought and intention into the physical space of your bedroom. Whether or not you are aware of it, the environment of your bedroom impacts your sexual intimacy. Here is a quick...
Prioritize Sexual Intimacy by Getting Your Body Ready, Part 2
The basic truth is this: you can’t have sex without a body.
Prioritize Sexual Intimacy by Getting Your Mind Ready, Part 1
“Your most important sex organ is your brain.” I remember when I first heard this statement as a young married woman. Enjoying sex is practically impossible without thinking about it. Both men and women can struggle to know how to think about sex in a way that is both...
A Road Map to Sexual Integrity in the Midst of Sexual Brokenness
Do you want to know the question that keeps me up at night? It’s this: How can I honor God with my sexuality in the face of my sexual brokenness and unmet desires? At Authentic Intimacy, we often use words like sexual wholeness or sexual integrity instead of sexual...
How To Go From Demand and “Duty Sex” to True Sexual Intimacy
Rather than a celebration of love, sex has come to represent profound experiences of shame, rejection, and loneliness.
What To Wear in the Bedroom?
Even though I sometimes write and speak on spicing up sex in marriage, this blog is about a different kind of “bedroom clothes.”
Parenting Through Weakness
Dear Juli, I’m the mom of two teenage girls. I know I need to talk to them about sex but honestly, I don’t know where to begin. My sex life is a mess. My husband and I have relied on porn in our marriage for years. I have abuse in my past that I’ve never dealt with. I...
Predictability and Passion Can Improve a Boring Sex Life
A healthy sex life has aspects of both routine and adventure.
Spice Up Your Sex Life
A rescue program for your Covid-dictated sex life.
COVID-19 and Porn: A Quick Fix But No Solution
(Presione aquí para leer en español). Since COVID-19 the pornography industry has seen a massive increase in website traffic. On March 24th, one major site announced that their premium content would be free to all visitors resulting in a massive increase of 18.5%. The...
Don’t Waste the Pain
Practically every conversation I’ve had in the last week has contained a phrase like, “These are strange times.” Strange times, indeed. Never in our lives have we walked through so much uncertainty. Our health, careers, and security all seem to be dangling on a...
When Christians Disagree About Sex
Our commitment to unity must be as clear as our theology of sexuality.
Why Does Sex Matter in Marriage? Pt. 2
I’ve learned sexuality can seem to cause more conflict than unity and more pain than pleasure.
Why Does Sex Matter in Marriage? Pt. 1
Most of us have been told that sex in marriage is important. But why does it matter?
Forgiveness is Hard, Grace is Harder
We spend a lot of time as Christ-followers talking about forgiving one another. After all, Jesus taught the importance of forgiveness, saying that our Heavenly Father will not forgive us if we fail to forgive each other. That’s pretty heavy! While forgiveness is a...
Joshua Harris, Sexuality, and “Deconstructing” Christianity
Recently, the evangelical world has been rocked by the news of Joshua Harris’s decision to leave his marriage and Christian beliefs. Joshua is the bestselling author of I Kissed Dating Goodbye and was a well-known spokesperson for the purity movement of the 1990s. A...
Where Do You Run When Marriage Gets Lonely?
Behind the façade of busyness and “family life,” many married women are desperately lonely.
Beyond a Happy Marriage
Perhaps you followed all the advice supposed to strengthen your marriage, yet have never experienced a significant improvement.
How to Choose a Wise Counselor
(Presione aquí para leer en español) All your own efforts and gumption, your prayers and advice-seeking, your reading and research—you've tried it all, and still your struggle persists. You've reached it: the point at which you know you need help. You need a...
How To Talk to Your Spouse About Sex
Why is it we’re more comfortable having sex than we are talking about it?
What You Need To Know About Sex Before Your Wedding Night
How can you prepare for wedding night sex if you’ve never had it before? We explore 3 ideas to help you get ready for first-time sex.
Sexual Abuse: How the Church Should Respond
What is the Church’s responsibility in addressing sexual abuse and what steps should we take to prevent it?
I Was Sexually Abused. Now, God Is Restoring My Identity
How does sexual abuse impact the way we view ourselves? A sexual abuse survivor shares her journey towards healing.
How to Bridge the Gap in Mismatched Libidos in Marriage
Juli expands on a popular episode with Dr. Michael Sytsma and Shaunti Feldhahn all about how couples can bridge the sexual desire gap.
For a Better Marriage, Try This
What do you think is the most important element when it comes to marriage?
Overcoming Addiction: The Crucial Element You Might Be Missing
What does it mean to be “in Christ,” and how does this lead to healing and freedom?
When Your Adult Child Makes Sexual Choices You Disagree With
What does it look like to love God and love an adult child who has a very different sexual ethic?
How can you Know if You’re Ready for Marriage?
Are you as ready as you think you are for marriage?
Should I Go to a Gay Wedding?
Few topics in today’s world are more divisive in the Christian Church than sexuality.
Sexual Entitlement: What it is and Why it is Ruining Your Marriage
Yes, God created sex for marriage, but did He promise it to us?
3 Reasons Why “Faking It” is Making Your Bad Sex Life Even Worse
While faking climax or sexual enjoyment may seem like a solution when you don’t like sex, it’s not a healthy long-term strategy. Here’s why.
How To Heal And Grow: Four Surprising Pathways To Christ-Likeness
What would it look like to pursue freedom, healing and spiritual growth while embracing the way God designed you?
God Says Sex is For Marriage – Here’s Why
More and more Christians are having sex outside of marriage, but is this in line with what God’s word says?
Why Sexual Maturity Matters More Than Sexual Experience
What if the key to understanding sexual matters begins with knowing God’s word, trusting Him, and growing in self-control?
Help! I Know I Need to Talk to My Teenager About Sex, but How Do I Do It?
Want to share the good news about God’s design for sexuality with your teen? Start with creating a strong relational connection.
Help! I’m in a Sexless Marriage!
There are many reasons why couples are in sexless marriages. In most cases, one or both spouses are not happy about it.
Are You a Good Friend? 7 Keys to Building Healthy Friendship
Several months ago, a friend invited me to coffee. After catching up on kids and ministry, I noticed her countenance shift. She obviously was struggling to share something difficult with me. After a few deep breaths, my friend explained how several years ago I had...
2 Reasons You’re Hesitant to Talk to Your Kids About Sex (But Shouldn’t Be)
My guest on the blog is Amy Davison, co-author of Mama Bear Apologetics Guide to Sexuality.* She's going to clear up two obstacles that keep parents from teaching their kids a biblical worldview of sexuality. Discipleship is not a word you hear that often outside of...
“Is Masturbation a Sin?” You May Be Asking the Wrong Question
(Presione aquí para leer en español.) Whenever I speak to a group of people about sexuality, I try to include time for an anonymous Q&A session. No matter who is listening, young or old, male or female, married or single, I am sure to be asked about masturbation:...
Stop Trying So Hard!
Several years ago, I met with a spiritual mentor with whom I shared an ongoing battle with a particular sin. We had been meeting every month for over a year, yet I was still tempted by the same sin. I didn’t feel like I was making any spiritual progress! I asked her,...
Why Promise Rings and Purity Talks Fall Short
The purity narrative has proven to be ineffective for many, and harmful for others.
Shame Doesn’t Have the Final Word
Most women bask in the comment “You look so young!” but not Jeni. Why? Because she is young … too young to be the mom of a six-year-old girl. When Jeni goes to her daughter’s kindergarten class, she feels out of place with every other mom, many of whom are more than a...
How to Have Tough Conversations
(Presione aquí para leer en español) If you listen to our podcast, Java with Juli, you know that I don’t like small talk. Ever since I was a little girl, I have been able to acutely sense unspoken tension in a room. I’m anxious when I have a conflict with a friend or...
A Perfect Marriage
Wherever you are in your marriage, no doubt you have some scratches and dents too.
A Secret for the Guys
Guys: If you really want to change your marriage, you have to understand where you have power.
Your Sexual Differences Can Make You Better Lovers
Have you ever wondered why God made you and your husband so different?
Is There Really a 7-Year Itch?
Is the seven-year-itch a real thing? If so, are you doomed to bump into it? And why does it happen in the seventh year?
When Your Child Has Been Sexually Abused
The headlines are filled with horrific accounts of childhood sexual abuse. Behind every headline are children and their parents, families grasping for help and hope through devastating news. We have received many emails from parents who recently discovered that their...
Your Husband Needs You Too
I believe that God created a husband and a wife with needs that cause them to depend on each other.
Pure Sadness and a Better Way Forward
A thoughtful reponse to Pure by Linda Kay Klein.
Your Spouse Doesn’t Complete You
When is the last time you felt disappointed by your marriage? Notice that I asked when, not if.
Loving a Broken Man (Or Woman)
A guest blog by Gary Thomas.
Sexual Pleasure Isn’t Shameful
Why is there such a disconnect for a woman to consider that God cares about her sex life?
Does Your Husband Need Sex?
How do we value the importance of sex within marriage without sex becoming an on-demand obligation?
Parenting as a Team
I want to share with you three paradigm shifts – three keys that helped me as a wife and mom through all of the disagreements on parenting.
The Great Danger: He Can Have My Body, But…
Guest blog by Jerusha Clark.
When Your Kids Look At Porn
As the mom of three sons, there are days I wish I could be parenting in a different era… one in which cell phones did not exist and comic books were more common than pornography. Yet we do not choose the time and place which God inserts us into history. Pornography...
How We Love Each Other
I grew up in a family of six kids, all very close in age. My position as “number five” out of six is probably a huge part of why I became a psychologist. My earliest pictures are often of me in a playpen observing family life. As teenagers, my sisters and I became...
What If I Hate Sex?
"I hate sex. It makes me angry to hear you even suggest that I’m supposed to be enjoying it. I’ve been married twenty-three years...
What If I Want Sex More Than My Husband Does?
Even in Paul’s day there were probably women who were frustrated by the lack of sex in their marriage.
Why the Word “Purity” is Cringy
Here are three reasons why I believe the call to “sexual integrity” can be more helpful than a discussion centered on sexual purity.
Sexual Boundaries for Singles
You can ask yourself three important questions to help discern God’s opinion on any question you might have.
Coming to Terms with Sexual Desire as a Single Woman
I bought into the lie that sexual desire outside of marriage was a sin. And it’s not.
Help! My Husband Is The One With The Headache
So what do you do when you’re a woman but YOU’RE the one desiring sex?
Is Sexual Intimacy A “Sacrament”?
Every sexual choice is also a spiritual choice.
The Very Important Difference Between Conflict and Fighting
Most couples don’t know the difference between a conflict and a fight.
How to say “Yes, Yes, Yes!” after “No, No, No!”
It took me many, many years of marriage to fully embrace the permission God gives a married woman to enjoy the marriage bed.
God’s Healing Stinks
Martha’s simple protest represents what so many of us have felt when the Lord is poised to bring healing and redemption.
Why Christians Need to Care About Sex
“The whole biblical message from Genesis to Revelation can be summarized with five words: God wants to marry us.” – Christopher West
Menopause and Sex: What You Need To Know
Pelvic Health Physical Therapist Heather Marra joins the blog to deepen your knowledge about female sexuality and menopause.
What Can Church Leaders Do to Combat Porn Use in the Church?
Four ways churches can be strengthened and equipped to develop a healthy approach to combating pornography use.
How to Teach Children Healthy Intimacy and Boundaries
We can’t always be with our kids, so how can we be proactive in keeping them safe?
Has God Changed His Mind About Sex?
Cultural ideals around sex and sexuality have shifted over the last 100 years, but does this mean God’s design for sex has shifted as well?
Overcoming Sexual Shame and Fear in Marriage
There are many Christians who feel uncomfortable with their sexuality. Juli explores possible reasons why and advises on how to overcome it.
3 Subconscious Beliefs You May Hold About Living With Same-Sex Attraction
Scripture reveals that the way we think shapes our actions, but have you given thought to what and how you think about our sexuality?
Three Things I (Wish I Hadn’t) Learned From Pornography
Here are three things I wish I hadn’t learned from pornography.
Taming the Tongue on Groundhog Day
I’ve heard a lot of people comment that life right now feels like the movie “Groundhog Day”—the same thing over and over again with no end in sight. While there are blessings in having our lives slow down, there are also tensions and frustrations that overflow out of...
Learning To Be a Promise-Breaker
Has anyone ever told you that it may be healthy to break your promises? No, I’m not talking about going back on your word or taking your wedding vows lightly. I’m referring to a different category of vows … the kind of promises that people rarely acknowledge. Our most...
A Hopeless New Year?
Turning my calendar to January 1 is usually refreshing for me. It represents a new year with a clean slate and excitement ahead. So why does ushering in 2020 feel so heavy and discouraging? There are many indications that our culture is quickly moving in a dangerous...
The World Has a Lot To Say About Sex
If you haven’t noticed, our views on sexuality have changed quite a bit over the past 20 years. Americans are far more accepting of behaviors they once considered to be sexually immoral. Cohabitation, having sex outside of marriage, no-fault divorce, viewing...
Escaping the Web of Pride
My dear friend Christine and I were recently talking over a cup of coffee about the battle of pride—how difficult it is to detect and how impossible to conquer. She told me a story that perfectly symbolized the problem: Juli, every morning I go out to my garden and...
Have You Forgotten Who God Is?
In the process of teaching about biblical sexuality, I have at times taken a critical look at traditions Christians have long held as truth. For example, you may have heard a recent Java with Juli episode exploring the missteps and harmful messages of the conservative...