by Authentic Intimacy


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#9: The Guys' Side (Re-Air)

"My wife has no desire for sex. She doesn't want it, doesn't need it... and it seems like there is nothing I can do to change it. Now what?" Believe it or not, we get emails like this one from guys all the time. And today, we have answers. In this episode, Juli sits down with Dr. Greg Smalley and Dr. David Clarke to hear the guys' side on what men struggle with when it comes to intimacy with their wives.
Guests: Dr. Greg Smalley & Dr. David Clarke

Comments

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  • Lydia Affolter

    This was so interesting. The guys were really funny but I so appreciated their honesty. They way they tackled the questions was great.
  • John Prin

    Thanks for this male perspective on this vital topic. It caught my eye right away, mainly because I hear the same or similar comments from several Christian husbands I know. In a day or two, I will listen to the podcast carefully and provide more specifics. Meanwhile, I'm getting ready for my grandson's birthday party and have to go!
  • John Prin

    Sadly, the lament of the three frustrated husbands at the beginning of the podcast is all too common. In the men’s groups I’ve facilitated, the loss of sexual interest and collateral damage of diminished intimacy is a common theme expressed among husbands, particularly in 10- to 40-year marriages. Long-term solutions to this unfortunate predicament are evasive. When couples give up their hopes for satisfaction and intimacy, causes are often hard to identify. The usual suspects of overcommitted schedules and demanding careers can be addressed with a counselor IF both spouses participate. Often, only one spouse is motivated to improve the couple’s love life, while both suffer. In my experience, the spouse most reluctant or even flat-out opposed to change is frequently the wife. Each couple faces their own set of issues, of course, but for Christians the centuries-old negative warnings and misinformation perpetrated by the church -- “sex is sinful and dirty and the road to ruin” -- is invariably a major culprit. Regrettably, the burden of shame and condemnation falls heaviest on girls in their youth. Yet the Bible offers scriptural evidence of God’s vision for regular, pleasurable, satisfying love-making for both spouses who seek “one flesh” unity. It takes courage, but couples who experience spiritual and sexual wholeness are out there.
  • Befuddled

    Wow, three months pf counseling to begin to fix marital problems? How is that paid for? Is this just for wealthy Christians to enjoy, like most things. God does not dispense money equally to believers, but so much in life, even the Christian life, circles around a Christians ability to afford things such as marriage counseling. John Prin nails the rest above, particularly the statements that: 1. "In my experience, the spouse most reluctant or even flat-out opposed to change is frequently the wife." 2. "Each couple faces their own set of issues, of course, but for Christians the centuries-old negative warnings and misinformation perpetrated by the church -- “sex is sinful and dirty and the road to ruin” -- is invariably a major culprit."
  • Befuddled

    Women's vast array of indecipherable, often conflicting emotional issues, and men's supposed response to such to get their Christian wife's to sexually respond is, to quote Churchill: "It is a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma". Secular women have far less problems enjoying the sex act, while perhaps getting less satisfaction from actual stable relationships. This podcast, and similar aimed at women, are just the very tip of the iceberg in dealing with such matters. Men, incidentally, and their needs, are far more marginalized in modern society, both inside and outside the church, the burden to fix problems always falling in them. Well, it is a two way street. We are living in a gynocentric society, where emotions trump logic and reality, and the destruction this causes becoming more evident every day. What do totalitarian regimes need to take over a society: Weak and feminized /neutered men and people for whom the rationality of any given critical decisions is dictated by a monthly cycle. And such is excused perpetually, and the burden put on men to respond to such and decipher such.
  • Befuddled

    "You got to be sensitive to the women" ... it always comes down to the women's needs and excuse to ignore the men's needs. Women always excused, men always culpable.

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