Q&A: How Do I Overcome Sexual Fantasies?

Dr. Juli Slattery answers the question: "What would you tell a woman who struggles with hurt, jealousy and insecurity due to her husband's sexual history prior to their marriage? Any time I hear this talked about the response is always: everyone is a sinner, you must forgive, God can heal anything, etc. But that doesn't address the residual consequences of that sin and the pain felt by the eventual spouse. I am currently dating a man with a relatively extensive sexual history, and with women that I knew and was friends with. He is no longer living that lifestyle, but I am afraid that I will constantly be fighting thoughts of comparison and that the images in my head will haunt me and make it hard for me to feel vulnerable and safe or even truly cherished by him.  I don't need any more advice about how we're all sinners and I need to forgive... I'm not worried about that part. What to do with the rest? And how much do you let your boyfriend or spouse know your concerns without making them feel worse or pushing them away?"

This week's question will resonate with just about every married couple: "It seems to me that men and women are different in our readiness and availability for sex—especially when you add kids into the mix. How can we work on coming together when we have energy for sex at different times?"