Q&A: How do I know if I’m in an emotionally abusive relationship/marriage?
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Java with Juli: #532 How the Church Can Help Stop Domestic Abuse
Full Transcript
Do you know that most people who are in an abusive relationship or marriage don’t realize it’s abusive until actually they start to get out of it?
Boy, that’s a scary thought.
And you might wonder, how do I know if I’m in an abusive relationship or marriage? You know, the first thing I would say is, pay attention to your anxiety level. When you’re with that individual, whether it’s a dating relationship or marriage relationship, do you find yourself feeling like you’re walking on eggshells?
Like you’re afraid that you’re gonna set off an explosion of anger or criticism? And that should be a red flag to you? I would say abusive relationships also tend to be isolating. If you find like your, your world is getting smaller and your significant other is limiting your contact with family and friends tends to be jealous, that’s another red flag.
What happens when you set a boundary? Like for example, when you say no to your spouse or you, uh, tell your significant other that you’re gonna do something that they didn’t necessarily want you to do. Are they able to accept your no? Are they able to accept your boundary or do they continue to hound you or manipulate you or make you feel ashamed?
You know, those are red flags, but the most important thing that you need is you need eyes on that relationship. I don’t think any relationship is meant to happen in isolation. You know, even the intimacy of a marriage relationship is meant to be lived out in community with people giving you wisdom and insight. And so if you’re even asking that question of, am I in an abusive relationship, one of the most important things you can do is go seek a counselor.
Go seek a mentor, someone who can give you some insight into some of the patterns that you might not be recognizing. It’s really key that you reach out and get that help and that wisdom, not only to identify the health of that relationship, but what steps you need to take in order to address a problem.
