Hot Topic: Addressing Porn in Marriage
Understanding, Responding, and Getting Help
1) Understanding the problem
2) Addressing Porn Use
3) Navigating your own pain
4) Getting Help
5) Podcasts & More Resources
By the Numbers
More than one in five married men and women said they worry about their partner being more attracted to porn and thinking about it while being intimate.
Women are more likely to watch porn in order to please their partner (by watching it together).³
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1) Understanding the Problem
Q&A: Is Porn Sinful?
Articles for Understanding the Problem:
Porn affects you, even if you don’t look at it
Unfortunately, the porn industry is a multibillion dollar endeavor that looks like it’s here to stay. One study from 2021 found that approximately 24% of 18-24 year olds considered pornography to be the most helpful source of information about sex.
Three Things I (Wish I Hadn't) Learned From Pornography
When I was a fifth grader, my friend opened my laptop and introduced me to pornography. At the time, I didn’t know what pornography was…
How Porn Impacts Marriage
Pornography is often framed as a “private” habit—something that affects only the individual who consumes it. But in reality, porn deeply disrupts the foundation of intimacy and trust in marriage.
Real-Life Insights:
"Pornography doesn’t just live on a screen — it can shape expectations, communication, and the sense of closeness between partners, often in ways couples don’t fully realize until tension or distance sets in." - Juli Slattery
2) Addressing Porn Use
Q&A: What do I do if my spouse uses porn?
Starting the Process of Healing
1) Anchor yourself in God
As you think about your spouse’s porn use, you may need time to process feelings of anger and fear before you’re able to have healthy conversations. You may also find yourself vacillating between being driven by your emotions and being able to trust God. This is normal! You’ll be most effective confronting your spouse when you’re depending on Him for strength and wisdom.
2) Confront with gentleness.
The words “confront” and “gentleness” don’t often go together. If you’re prone to gentleness, you may avoid confronting your spouse. If you’re good at confrontation, you may not be so skilled in gentleness. Healthy confrontation addresses the problem without minimizing it, with compassion, and with an invitation to restoration.
3) Establish boundaries initiating change
4) Endure through the journey
I wish I could tell you that your spouse’s porn use will be over in a week if you follow a few simple steps. That’s not how this works.
Your spouse was likely exposed to porn as a child or young teen. Over time, they’ve learned to cope with life using porn like a drug. Experts assert that porn can be even more addictive than cocaine. But healing and freedom are possible! I’ve met hundreds of couples who have that story. But in every situation, it was a marathon, not a sprint.
Curated Articles:
5 Healthy Ways to Respond to Your Husband’s Porn Problem
Juli challenges wives to reject blame and consider biblical teaching on responding to the painful sins of those we love.
Overcoming Addiction: The Crucial Element You Might Be Missing
What does it mean to be “in Christ,” and how does this lead to healing and freedom?
5 Things Christians Can Do to Help Overcome Porn Addiction
Pornography is often framed as a “private” habit, but in reality, porn deeply disrupts the foundation of intimacy and trust in marriage.
Overcoming Sexual Shame and Fear in Marriage
Pornography is often framed as a “private” habit, but in reality, porn deeply disrupts the foundation of intimacy and trust in marriage.
"I didn't understand there were physiological things happening in me—from joint and muscle pain to a loss of appetite to brain fog. My brain was physiologically impacted by the trauma that [my husband's] sin was bringing into our marriage." - Dannah Gresh, author of Happily Even After
3) Navigating your own pain
Q&A: Does my Spouse Watch Porn Becuase of Me?
What You Need to Know
Having sex with your spouse will not fix a porn problem.
It’s not (and has never been) about you.
It’s okay to set boundaries and even say no to sexual activity.
There is hope! Healing is possible, but it will take time.
Addational Steps
1) Take Ownership of Your Own Healing
Author Dannah Gresh says one of the hardest truths to hear was: “The one who damaged your heart has no ability to fix your heart.” As much as she wanted her husband to fix what he had broken, he couldn’t. Only Jesus could.
2) Know Your Role
God’s Word tells us to bear each other’s burdens and in the same verse says to make sure each one carries their own burden. Which is it? Actually, it’s both.
The burdens you carry:
- Pray with your spouse and for your spouse
- Be willing to go to counseling
- Encourage your spouse to seek accountability
- Be open to working toward forgiveness, restoration, and rebuilding sexual intimacy in when the time is right
The burdens your spouse carries:
- Pursuing mentoring, accountability, and counseling
- Addressing the wounds and patterns that play into their porn use
- Taking responsibility for their choices
Real-Life Insights:
4) Getting Help
Q&A: Is it my responsibility to meet my spouse’s sexual needs?
Overcoming pornography in marriage isn’t something most couples can do alone. Healing takes courage—and the humility to seek help from those who understand the struggle. Turning to a pastor, counselor, or trusted support group invites both accountability and grace. In that space, couples can rediscover hope, rebuild trust, and move toward the kind of intimacy and connection God intends for marriage.
Join an Online Book Study
Check out our online book studies for this topic, and many more.
Online Book Studies include:
- A live Q&A on Zoom with Juli Slattery
- Live weekly Zoom meetings with a community of people also wanting to go deeper in their understanding of
- God’s design for sexuality.
- Online discussion group
- Groups for all seasons and stages of life: men, women, couples, married, single
Ready to open the conversation?
Find a Counselor or Support Group
Find a qualified, licensed counselor or therapist using the Focus on the Family Network of Christian Counselors or at MyCounselor.Online. Check out the organizations below for more access to counselors and support groups.
BeBroken Ministries provides resources for individuals and families directly impacted by sexual brokenness.
Whether you are a man needing help to overcome a pornography addiction or other unwanted sexual behaviors, a wife in need of healing from betrayal trauma, or a family looking for resources on God-centered sexuality, Be Broken is here for you.
At Pure Desire, we know you want to be sexually healthy. In order to do this, you need healing from the effects of unwanted sexual behavior and betrayal trauma. The problem is you are stuck in a pattern which makes you feel powerless. We believe you were designed to live a life without sexual brokenness or betrayal trauma and the effects they can have on your future.
Without the right tools and the right information, couples normally flounder around for years, until pain and sheer desperation drive them to seek help. However, this does not have to be your story. You don’t have to wait until your marriage is on the verge of a divorce, and you are on the brink of a nervous breakdown, to take action.
We believe lasting recovery comes from addressing the whole person: mind, body, and soul. Addiction affects every part of who we are, and healing requires a comprehensive approach that restores wholeness, hope and purpose to life. Faith plays a central role at HopeQuest. Our goal is to guide clients toward a meaningful relationship with Jesus while encouraging them to wrestle with their questions and doubts.
Hope After Betrayal exists to provide Christ centered hope and healing for women injured by their partners sexual betrayal. We are a growing community of healing and empowered women who educate, support, and mentor other betrayed women. We partner with pastors, ministry leaders, and couples to ensure the women that we serve find healing.
Want to dive deeper?
Recommended Further Reading
We are all sexually broken. And we are all invited to participate in the love, forgiveness, and healing of Jesus. Have you ever experienced the fear and shame that follows the vortex of graphic movies, erotica, promiscuity, or porn sites? You may think you’re alone and feel like hiding. But you’re not alone—and there is hope and healing.
Pornography is a billion dollar industry, a national epidemic, seeping into our homes, and taking marriages captive. In the battle against porn, instead of hiding, faith-filled women must engage this issue head-on, armed with a right understanding of biblical truth and their roles as wives and mothers. With God’s help and a battle plan in hand, wives and their husbands can face the darkness and emerge victorious, taking back their marriages and families.
Marriage between sinners has its inevitable messes. If you’ve been married longer than a week or two, you know how the hard realities of life in a fallen age can come crashing in. Perhaps you had a season of “once upon a time,” but soon enough you realized that this marriage, in this world, is not yet your “happily ever after.”
Nothing destroys trust like sexual betrayal. Beyond broken vows, a woman who discovers that the man she loves has been viewing pornography or having an affair must deal with devastating blows to her self-image and self-worth. She must grapple with the fact that the man she thought she knew has lied and deceived her.
#5 Additional Resources
Ready to dig in?
Recent Related Articles:
How Pornography Impacts Intimacy and Marriage
Pornography is often framed as a “private” habit, but in reality, porn deeply disrupts the foundation of intimacy and trust in marriage.
Overcoming Sexual Shame and Fear in Marriage
There are many Christians who feel uncomfortable with their sexuality. Juli explores possible reasons why and advises on how to overcome it.
Three Things I (Wish I Hadn’t) Learned From Pornography
Here are three things I wish I hadn’t learned from pornography.
Additional Q&A's
Full Podcast Episodes:
