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How to Choose a Wise Counselor

by Dr. Juli Slattery All your own efforts and gumption, your prayers and advice-seeking, your reading and research—you've tried it all, and still your struggle persists. You've reached it: the point at which you know you need help. You need a counselor. Maybe a loved one has died suddenly. Or maybe you and your spouse can't communicate without hurtful words. Or perhaps m...

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Sex is the Icing on the Cake

Growing up, I was never much of a cook. With three sisters and a mother who all cook and bake masterfully, I had no reason to learn how. As a wife and mother, I reluctantly accepted my role as the family chef. A few years ago, I attempted to bake a homemade cake for a dinner party. I measured all of the ingredients carefully, preheated the oven, and baked my cake at the exact temperature the...

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Why Promise Rings and Purity Talks Fall Short

True Love Waits. I Kissed Dating Goodbye. Promise rings. These are the touchstones of predominant teaching on sexual purity promoted by the Christian community throughout the past several decades. Yet, the word purity among today’s Christian adults can elicit feelings of shame and even anger. Why? Because the purity narrative has proven to be ineffective for many and harmful for others. ...

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Stop Trying So Hard!

Several years ago, I met with a spiritual mentor with whom I shared an ongoing battle with a particular sin. We had been meeting every month for over a year, yet I was still tempted by the same sin. I didn’t feel like I was making any spiritual progress! I asked her, “When will I stop battling this sin?” She wisely responded, “When you stop battling, you will have lost.&...

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Breaking Free from Sexual Addiction

by Dr. Juli Slattery Sometimes I joke about things I am "addicted" to. Coffee and dark chocolate are definitely on the list. Honestly, we are all addicted to something—there are things in life we just can't seem to get by without. You may be addicted to your husband's affection, a daily workout, talking to or texting your best friend, or spending time in prayer. At th...

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Why Does Sex Matter in Marriage? Pt. 2

For the past decade, my full-time job has been to address sexual issues from a Christian perspective. Knowing that, you can imagine the kind of emails I regularly receive in my inbox! What I’ve learned is that sexuality represents pain in a lot of lives and marriages. When people ask me, “What’s normal for a Christian married couple?” one of my responses is that it is no...

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They're Right. Abstinence-Only Education Doesn't Work.

The New York Times and other prominent news sources recently reported that there is now proof that abstinence-only programs don’t work. A meta-analysis of data (this means analyzing data from a number of different studies) “found no good evidence that such programs delayed the age of first sexual intercourse or reduced the number of partners an adolescent might have.” ...

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How Do I Know He’s “The One”?

By Dr. Juli Slattery Q: Is there one person I'm meant to marry, or should I just choose a good man? A: This question isn't simply a contemplative exercise; it impacts how you approach dating and marriage. However, I think it is the wrong question to be asking. The question of "Is there one guy I'm supposed to marry?" is fundamentally based on fear. You've lik...

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Being Sexy Has Nothing to do With Your Body

When I talk to women about sex in marriage, one of the most common concerns is their bodies. “I’m just not sexy!” Practically every woman feels like she is either too old, too fat, too flat-chested, or too plain to be sexy. We live in a world that has definite opinions on what is attractive and sexy. Marketers spend millions of dollars and countless hours transforming natu...

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Nashville Statement: When Christians disagree about sex

The recent Nashville statement has brought conservative Christianity’s relationship with sexual issues front and center into the mainstream media. USA Today describes the Nashville statement this way, “A coalition of conservative evangelical leaders laid out their beliefs on human sexuality, including opposition to same-sex marriage and fluid gender identity, in a new doctrinal stat...

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