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A Secret for the Guys

Every day we hear from men who desperately want help and encouragement for their wives. Most commonly, they complain that their wives are not interested in sexual intimacy. Many of these messages end with pleas like “Help me! What can I do to help her understand my needs?” While most of my work is with women, today I want to share a secret with the men. It is the same secret that...

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Longing for Hope When Leaders Fail

Sometimes what is happening in the world overwhelms my “to do” list. Today feels like one of those days. This blog post isn’t about intimacy, relationships, or sexuality. It’s about the brokenness we all see all around us. As children and teenagers, our spiritual and political leaders loom larger than life. We generally believe that their experience and education hav...

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Joshua Harris, Sexuality, and "Deconstructing" Christianity

Image Courtesy DOCS-ology/I Survived IKDG Recently, the evangelical world has been rocked by the news of Joshua Harris’s decision to leave his marriage and Christian beliefs. Joshua is the bestselling author of I Kissed Dating Goodbye and was a well-known spokesperson for the purity movement of the 1990s. A few years ago, Joshua began a journey of listening to people who have been woun...

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Don't Waste the Pain

Practically every conversation I’ve had in the last week has contained a phrase like, “These are strange times.” Strange times, indeed. Never in our lives have we walked through so much uncertainty. Our health, careers, and security all seem to be dangling on a precarious cliff. Regardless of how much news you consume, the future remains uncertain and unpredictable. As a...

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Sexual Boundaries for Singles

When women ask their honest questions about sexuality, the most common ones typically relate to whether certain things are right or wrong for Christian women to engage in. They want to know where the boundaries lie. Is masturbation wrong? Am I still a virgin if I’ve had oral sex? Is it wrong to read erotic novels like Fifty Shades of Grey? How far is too far to go in a datin...

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What's the Purpose of Your Sexuality, Really?

If someone asks you, “What are your thoughts on cohabitation?” or “Do you believe God is ok with gay marriage?” how would you respond? To answer those questions, you will (without even realizing it) tap into your underlying beliefs about the purpose of sexuality. Every opinion you have about sexual issues is rooted in a larger narrative of what you believe about sex&mda...

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Your Sexual Differences Can Make You Better Lovers

Have you ever wondered why God made you and your husband so different? For many years, I thought that might be my first question to God when I got to heaven. The differences between me and my husband, particularly in the bedroom, were driving us both crazy. Sexual intimacy created more conflict in our marriage than unity and more pain than pleasure. It seemed like a cruel joke or a gift that we...

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Coming to Terms with Sexual Desire as a Single Woman

“Just wait for marriage,” so I’ve been told. So I’ve waited . . . and waited. And as I’ve waited, I’ve begun to wonder, If marriage doesn’t come, what am I waiting for? I remember the True Love Waits talks in middle and high school. The message was that sex was bad outside of marriage, but once I found “the one,” sex was going to be incre...

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My Husband Isn't My Best Friend

Endless romance. Hot sex. Being best-best-best-best friends. These are just some of the idealistic hopes we pile onto marriage. There are good motivations behind each of these hopes, but let's just be real. It's probably not all going to happen. Though it is a wonderful thing to be your husband's best friend, I actually don't think that is necessary for a great marriage. In f...

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The “Why” for Every Sexual Question

by Dr. Juli Slattery When children reach the age of two, they begin asking a question they never stop asking. Why? If you are parenting a young child, you are faced with endless why questions. Why do I have to go to bed so early? Why do I have to eat brussel sprouts? Why do you have to go to work? Why does he get more pizza than I do? Why can’t I drive the car? In their exhaustion, ...

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