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What God Wants For Christmas
True confession: the Christmas season overwhelms me.
It’s not the busyness, the music, or the parties, but the gift-giving that stresses me out. Gifts are not my love language, so I never know how to answer my husband when he asks what I’d like for Christmas. What makes the season most stressful is choosing gifts for others. I rarely feel like I picked out the perfect gift. If I knew something that would delight a friend or loved one, I’d buy it in a heartbeat, but I usually feel like I’m ...
What Kind of Lover Are You?
As women, we typically view sex as a way of expressing the love and intimacy we feel in our hearts. It’s definitely a challenge to be sexually intimate when those feelings of love are absent. For the first decade of our marriage, it irritated me when my husband wanted sex when we had barely spoken. From his perspective, sex was the way we could connect and feel close. So, we were at a stalemate… I needed to feel love to have sex and he needed to have sex to feel love.
The truth is that ...
What Submission Isn’t
*The two-part blog series we’re kicking off this week is a sneak peak into what Dr. Juli Slattery has been working on ... a complete rewrite of her book Finding the Hero in Your Husband. Stay tuned for updates on when it will be released in 2021!*
In my job speaking on topics of sexuality, I’ve had to address a lot of uncomfortable and controversial issues. But there’s nothing quite as offensive as submission. You might even be internally cringing as I use that ...
Parenting Through Weakness
Dear Juli, I’m the mom of two teenage girls. I know I need to talk to them about sex but honestly, I don’t know where to begin. My sex life is a mess. My husband and I have relied on porn in our marriage for years. I have abuse in my past that I’ve never dealt with. I feel so messed up in my own life … how can I possibly help my daughters?
One of the greatest barriers to honest conversations about sex with our kids (especially teens and young adults) is our own sexual brokenness. In one ...
Taming the Tongue on Groundhog Day
I’ve heard a lot of people comment that life right now feels like the movie “Groundhog Day”—the same thing over and over again with no end in sight. While there are blessings in having our lives slow down, there are also tensions and frustrations that overflow out of our hearts through our mouths and onto the people we really want to show love. Your spouse, your children, your roommate, your co-workers … even your dog might be getting the brunt of your tongue.
Thousands of years ago, James ...
Predictability and Passion Can Improve a Boring Sex Life
If you are married, there is a very good chance that you and your spouse have different sexual appetites. This not only applies to how often you want to have sex, but also to how adventurous you would each like to be in the bedroom.
A healthy sex life has aspects of both routine and adventure: If a couple builds sexual excitement by always searching for that next new experience, sex becomes less about intimacy and more about pursuing the physical high of sexual novelty. On the other hand, ...
Porn Affects You, Even if You Don’t Look At It
The sad truth is that the damage of porn goes far beyond the person consuming it and also affects their relationships, the people in their lives, and culture as a whole.
Spice Up Your Sex Life
Are you feeling stuck in your home and in your sex life? Think back to the last time you left your house: It could possibly have been four or five weeks! And most likely it has been even longer since you and your spouse went out for a date night.
When my husband and I were newlyweds, we committed to weekly date nights. Every Thursday night we spent time together—sometimes we dressed up and went to dinner, or we went for a walk and got street tacos. Other nights we stayed home and ordered ...
COVID-19 and Porn: A Quick Fix But No Solution
(Presione aquí para leer en español).
Since COVID-19 the pornography industry has seen a massive increase in website traffic. On March 24th, one major site announced that their premium content would be free to all visitors resulting in a massive increase of 18.5%. The site explained that watching free porn will encourage people to stay home and flatten the curve.
It’s no surprise that many will turn to porn in our current circumstance. I know because this used to be my story. In moments of ...
COVID-19 y pornografía: Una salida rápida, pero no una solución
Desde el inicio de COVID-19, la industria de la pornografía ha experimentado un aumento masivo en el tráfico de sitios web. El 24 de marzo, un sitio importante anunció que su contenido premium sería gratuito para todos los visitantes, lo que resultó en un aumento masivo del 18,5%. El sitio explicó que ver pornografía gratis alentará a las personas a quedarse en casa y aplanar la curva.
No es de extrañar que muchos recurran a la pornografía en nuestras circunstancias actuales. Lo sé porque ...
Don’t Waste the Pain
Practically every conversation I’ve had in the last week has contained a phrase like, “These are strange times.” Strange times, indeed.
Never in our lives have we walked through so much uncertainty. Our health, careers, and security all seem to be dangling on a precarious cliff. Regardless of how much news you consume, the future remains uncertain and unpredictable.
As a follower of Jesus, I’ve pondered, “How should I pray?” For several years now, my heart has been burdened for revival. As ...
Did He Pass the Test?
This morning, I met with a group of friends to encourage each other in our marriages. As we talked, one of the women described her discouragement when her husband failed to text her during the day about something that was important to her.
“He knew my sister was going into surgery. I just told him a few days ago that I was really worried about it. It hurts me that he didn’t think to text me or even ask me how it went.”
One of the greatest needs we have as wives is to know that we are ...
Stop Trying So Hard!
Several years ago, I met with a spiritual mentor with whom I shared an ongoing battle with a particular sin. We had been meeting every month for over a year, yet I was still tempted by the same sin. I didn’t feel like I was making any spiritual progress! I asked her, “When will I stop battling this sin?” She wisely responded, “When you stop battling, you will have lost.”
I was reminded of this conversation recently when I read the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 5–7. It’s challenging and in ...
When Christians Disagree About Sex
When the Nashville statement was released, it brought conservative Christianity’s relationship with sexual issues front and center into the mainstream media. USA Today described the Nashville statement this way, “A coalition of conservative evangelical leaders laid out their beliefs on human sexuality, including opposition to same-sex marriage and fluid gender identity, in a new doctrinal statement.”
If you are familiar with the ministry Authentic Intimacy, you know how deeply I care ...
Helping Your Husband Grow UP
We’ve written before about the growing trend of husbands who would rather play their Xbox or Nintendo Switch—or spend hours glued to ESPN, oblivious of your screaming child and leaking roof—than step into adult responsibilities. Whatever the scenario, the burden of “emotional labor” often falls heavily on the wife.
If, as a wife, you find yourself here, how should you invite him into maturity rather than encouraging stagnation by continuing to “do it all”?
First, know you cannot make ...
Why I Care About Your Sex Life
In case you haven’t heard, Fifty Shades of Grey was recently named the best-selling book of the decade. When I saw this come through my newsfeed, my first thought was, “Here we go again…” I’m quite certain that we will have another round of debates about the relative harm of erotica and whose place it is to judge someone else’s sex life. Part of me dreads these conversations, but another part of me is getting ready with great anticipation. Here’s why…. A conversation about sex ...
Learning To Be a Promise-Breaker
Has anyone ever told you that it may be healthy to break your promises? No, I’m not talking about going back on your word or taking your wedding vows lightly. I’m referring to a different category of vows … the kind of promises that people rarely acknowledge.
Our most powerful promises are usually ones that we never speak and may not even be conscious that we’ve made. Most of our lives are dictated by such unconscious vows. They represent the “guiding voices” that sabotage our ...
A Hopeless New Year?
Turning my calendar to January 1 is usually refreshing for me. It represents a new year with a clean slate and excitement ahead. So why does ushering in 2020 feel so heavy and discouraging? There are many indications that our culture is quickly moving in a dangerous direction. The publishing industry recently announced that Fifty Shades of Grey is the top selling book of the decade. In fact, the three installments of the trilogy occupy the top three slots in the list of all books published ...
The World Has a Lot To Say About Sex
If you haven’t noticed, our views on sexuality have changed quite a bit over the past 20 years. Americans are far more accepting of behaviors they once considered to be sexually immoral. Cohabitation, having sex outside of marriage, no-fault divorce, viewing pornography, gender fluidity, and polygamy, among others, have dramatically gained approval in our cultural context. Politicians and religious leaders who just a decade ago spoke against abortion and gay marriage are now fully ...
What’s the Purpose of Your Sexuality, Really?
(Presione aquí para leer en español).
If someone asks you, “What are your thoughts on cohabitation?” or “Do you believe God is ok with gay marriage?” how would you respond?
To answer those questions, you will (without even realizing it) tap into your underlying beliefs about the purpose of sexuality. Every opinion you have about sexual issues is rooted in a larger narrative of what you believe about sex—and ultimately, God. Your sexual narrative is the background that helps you make sense ...